What better to start a new year by getting rid of the garbage, and starting a new year with a fresh face!
Read the link above, if you haven't already! (Things will make more sense if you do!)
Almost a year later, after falling really hard for a guy who turned out to be straight. I'm doing great! I had gotten over my crush on that guy from work, thanks to my friend, who helped me get through it. The last few months he was there, everything went fine. I wasn't all up in his "grill" anymore, although to the point where I had not much to say to him, it's weird, when I was into him, I was always talking to him and asking him questions, but once I got over him, I just felt like I couldn't talk to him anymore. It wasn't the same, and I felt like I couldn't talk to him about the interests that we had in common. I felt he didn't want to talk about those things. But what annoys me, is that now that he is no longer working at my place of employment, he decided to add everyone on facebook! Which he once told me, he doesn't add co-workers on facebook. Which was a lie since he added managers and one co-worker (Whom he went to a party with). When I tried to add him, I was like oh, he's adding everyone now, that's cool. He denied me! You can tell if someone denies you on Facebook, if it says friend request sent, instead of pending, it means they either didn't accept or just didn't get it yet, but if it says add friend after you've already pressed the add friend button before. This means they declined your friend request! I was curious to see, because someone brought it up. (If you decline a few times, it goes away, I had a problem with this homophobe one time and found out that after declining so much, it just doesn't work anymore) So there it was, add friend, not friend request sent..
It's really annoying, because I thought it all went fine! I had thought that we were good, so why not add me?? I mean, I had the biggest crush on this guy for two and a half months. I couldn't stop thinking about him, being around him made me feel amazing, and like no one could hurt me, because he was there. I had this guy on my mind 24/7, which had never happened to me before. I was literally not attracted to anyone else for the whole time that I was into him, I completely stopped all of my artwork and story ideas because I wanted to get to know him better. It was also weird, because a few of my horoscopes said my life was supposed to change for the better, right around the time he started, especially in the romantic sector.
I had never felt that way for anyone in my life before, so I thought it was supposed to mean something...
Right before I got over him, there were a few things that had happened. For starters, when I found out he was straight and had a girlfriend, I was depressed for 4 days to the point that I couldn't eat, and I was nauseous. After that, I started going through a healing process. Unfortunately, at work, one co-worker made a joke that he would be cute with a girl co-worker, and that hurt my feelings so much, that the drive home, I had tears in my eyes, and I didn't get any sleep that night either. That was also the night I found out that he had added someone on facebook, when he told me that he doesn't add co-workers.
After that, everything he would do would make me depressed. On a side note, it also bothered me that he referred to me as "Guy", like seriously that annoys me, I have a name you know!
Enough was enough, I was texting my one friend Donna, and after an hour and a half long talk. She helped me get over him once and for all, It was for real this time too. One of the problems I had, was that "You never know" attitude. I've heard of stories where a straight guy falls for a man, so I just kept hoping that would happen. Another problem was, I thought I saw signs, one time I went to a fair and a guy there had him on facebook. How crazy is it to bump into a random person that is friends with your crush?!
After that, I went through a bit of a mourning process, but I had also risen like a phoenix. I needed something to draw my attention away from him, so I started a new save of my favorite video game series, Suikoden and started with the fourth installment (Which is the earliest in the timeline). Playing my favorite series, really did help me with the grieving and getting over process and I needed my mind to think about something else for a change.
After that, everything was normal again. I wasn't into him anymore, I wasn't heartbroken, I was normal again.
I didn't really talk to him much afterwards, I just felt like I had nothing to say to him, it's like he became uninteresting. That, and I felt like he wanted to talk about normal things like drinking, or going to a bar, not anime and video games.
Even though I didn't have a crush on him anymore, and I didn't talk to him much. I still wanted to be his friend! I like having friends! I didn't have any straight guy friends either, it would have been nice!
Ironically enough, I ended up hitting it off with another guy from work, who is now a good friend of mine and my first real straight guy friend in real life. Like they say, when one door closes, another opens.
After I got over him, I noticed he would be kind of a jerk, and I wasn't sure if he was being a jerk, because sometimes I'll get offended by jokes. But I was right, someone else had mentioned he can be a jerk, and another person even said he was arrogant! He acts all high and mighty, but then doesn't know what the heck he's doing!
He also had a tendency to flirt with all of the girls at work, even though he has a girlfriend. Some people think it's ok, others do not. But he was mean to my one friend, just because she said hi to him once when he was with his girlfriend, he would also go out of his way and call my other friend gorgeous.
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| This is a drawing I made of him, he's wearing a holiday outfit. Back in 2017, I drew the two guys I liked from 2015-2017. Also added this guy, who liked me in the drawing. |
It just bugs me, I was chasing after him for two, and a half months! I completely stopped all of my career projects to chase after this guy, because I was like addicted to him, like he was some kind of drug. In the end, I wasted two and a half months over nothing, and then all I wanted to do was be his friend and he doesn't even want to be my friend! Like really?! I had a dream about him, where he was my friend!! Yet in real life it doesn't happen! It's amazing to me, how much you can like someone and then one thing happens, and you start to dislike them! I just wish I could get the time back, that I wasted on him, I also want to know how he knows this guy I went to college with!
Not to mention, I wasted my time over him, when there was another person I could have talked to, but because I was so into him, I had no desire to. So not only did I waste my time chasing him, but he also screwed me for other opportunities, because I had my head in the clouds.
I kind of wish he knew how I felt about everything, how much I liked him, and how much I dislike him now because he was a jerk the whole time! My friends have been very supportive, they were there for me when I was into him, and there for me now that I'm not into him.. in fact one of them said they hope he rots. XD
My one friend Victor isn't going to let this go, he'll always remind me of the time I was crushing on this asshole. lmao
I'm not going to let him get the better of me, I'm moving on to bigger and better things now!
I guess the only good thing that came out of it was, I know what it's like to fall for someone, I know what heartbreak feels like.. and now I know how to dance! The latter is the most fun!
It's crazy to think,
To you, they're the whole world. You could have a
crush on someone, and they'll be on your mind constantly. But the sad
truth is, you don't even exist in their world, you're nothing but a
speck to them. You never cross their mind at all.
Here's a timeline...
March 2015 - I met the guy and become infatuated with him.
April 2015 - I found out he was straight, had a girlfriend, was depressed for a while and still chasing after him. This is because I was experiencing "Limerence", a chemical reaction in the brain, that makes you "head over heels in love" with someone else.
May 2015 - I was into him until my friend had a conversation with me on the 20th of May.
June 2015 - Became friends with someone else from work.
July-August 2015 - My life turns normal again, and I barely spoke to him.
September 2015 - He disappears from work, went to my first gay village, went to a nudist hotel for men only, saw drag queen shows and went to an underwear party! (This was the thing I needed to get over this guy)
October 2015 - Tried adding him on facebook, didn't work, BY FELICIA!
One or two of my friends were worried I was upset and actually, I'm not. I'm just annoyed, because I wasted my time on this idiot way back when. You know what, after this blog post.. I don't care about him anymore! Time to move one and over, more interesting people to meet in my life than dumpster juice anyways!
I wanted to make this post, to not only show others a story that happened to me in the past year. But I also want this to be a guide, I want people to allow themselves to put on a logical hat. If you have a crush, you have to be careful, make sure they like your gender, make sure they're into you. Because what you might think is flirting, may not be flirting at all! You could waste lot's of time on someone, just for it to never even happen! This person could turn out to be a jerk, just like it did for me. Last but not least, never stop anything you're doing for someone you don't know likes you or not! I stopped making stories and drawing and all that jazz to chase after him, but meanwhile, that's 2 and a half months of not being productive, when the arts are my career goal!
Follow the rest of my Crush Arc
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