My Run-Ins with Homophobes

Upon meeting me, people usually think I'm straight just because I'm not running around with a rainbow colored cape and lip singing to Cher. Because of this, I have the privileged of being hidden under the radar and don't deal with homophobes unless they know that I'm gay. But that doesn't mean I haven't had any run ins with homophobes.

Here are three times I ran into a homophobe, which were all things that happened to me at different jobs I worked at. (Also conveniently the first three jobs I had in a row)

"How do you know you're gay if you've never been with a woman?"

At my first job in a mail room, I had a guy ask me how do I know I'm gay if I've never been with a woman. At the time, I didn't know what to say, so I just said that I'm just not into them. If I could go back in time, I'd say "How do you know you're not gay if you've never been with a man!?". Sometimes you have to throw their ignorance back at them!

 

My first Office Job

Story 1:

For whatever reason, some of my coworkers at the time were talking about shootings or something like that during a lunch break.

When we went back to our desks I was telling one of the ladies "Libby" that a 15 year old boy got shot in the face for asking a 14 year old boy out. 

This lady started to laugh hysterically, like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard in her life. I was mortified, this woman was a monster to think that was funny. 

Story 2:

There was this other time back in 2012 when DC was revealing that one of their characters was gay (It ended up being the Green Lantern, but at the time it was a big reveal everyone was talking about!)

Me and two of the girls were trying to figure out who it was, my work bestie at the time "Gwen" said it couldn't be Superman because Lois would be really mad if he was gay. lol

Gwen asked Libby who she thought the gay superhero could be, Libby got really uncomfortable and started acting weird and she just said she didn't know. Like it was such a weird interaction, that I knew that gay people made her uncomfortable just for existing.

"That's Disgusting!" 

When I was in retail, we had this mentally disabled woman "Coffee" (She had a tendency to drool and I'll never forget the time she had just had some coffee... This scene is ingrained in my brain unfortunately.)

She's not all there in the head, but she's able to drive and she can make some conversation. She can clean up a department, but she also has to ask everyone if she's doing good, and also likes to complain sometimes about how I didn't get anything done (As I tend to get stuck on register, because the lack of cashiers), while there are other days where she says I do such a great job. It was always a mystery with her.

She was talking about runway shows to one of the cashiers, and I said she should watch Ru Pauls drag race, she said she "wouldn't go that far", "that's disgusting". 

I was taken back, even though I live in a much more lgbt friendly area. The homophobia, and Transphobia is still around... and even yet, someone had to specifically have taught her that being gay, or Crossdressing, was wrong and or disgusting. Since she is special needs, I don't think she would have normally come up with such a conclusion unless someone specifically told her to feel that way.

There was another time where I saw a pair of socks with an owl, or some type of animal and I said I wanted them for myself. She said she saw them in the womens section and I should go and look for them.

This comment made me believe that she genuinely wouldn't have an issue with crossdressing or lgbt people, it's just that someone put it into her brain that it was wrong, so when certain words pop up, it just triggers a negative response in her.

After that, I knew what not to say around her. Regardless, this really hit me, and I kept thinking about it for two days after the fact. 

This reminded me as to why I don't tell people my sexuality, until I know they don't have a problem with lgbt people. I don't need the headache! I'm oversensitive, and it'll just bother me for while, like this time.

 

Why my mom isn't allowed in restaraunts anymore

Yaaas drag her!!!

My mother has a very heavy pocketbook and it contains just about everything. She's like the grandma from Halloweentown played by Debbie Reynolds, who has just about everything in her gigantic purse.

One time, she was at a diner with my dad. (This was before I was born). She went to go to the bathroom and her purse got stuck on a chair without her knowing, by the time she got to the bathroom, she realized she dragged an old lady in this chair all the way to the bathroom!

 

Oops I did it again

My mom has a tendency to get stuck in random places and sometimes won't tell anyone because they'll make fun of her.

When she first started becoming friends with her friend "Airy", she had disappeared and Airy was like, what happened to her? My dad said she probably got stuck somewhere. They go on a search for her and low and behold, she was stuck under the kitchen sink! 

Another time she got stuck between her dresser and only asked for me because I was the only one who wouldn't make fun of her for it. (While my brother and dad would)

Is that a ghost?! No, no it's not

One time, she got scared of her own reflection in the mirror.

Why I'm the physical embodiment of a Japanese highschool girl! PT 1

 I feel like I am the embodiment of a Japanese highschool girl from an anime and I want to explain why!

I'm the shy quiet one, who just keeps crushing on cute guys, but due to my shy and introverted nature, I never talk to any of them! This is also common with Highschool girls in anime. (Hence the reference)

Considering I'm a dude, my crush will probably end up being straight anyways, and probably won't go anywhere. 

(Which is the story of my life, turn that into my autobiography!)

Straight people have it easy, they can walk to the grocery store and find someone to date. LGBT people have to go over a river, through the woods, cross the bridge to Terabithia, wind up in Narnia, and then when you get "somewhere", there's three eligible bachelors, and I won't find any of them attractive!

Even when I tried apps, I didn't like many people and the ones I did like wouldn't like me back. I tried adding everyone I thought might be interesting to become friends with, but when that happened I quickly realized that was a bad idea since we were looking for different things.

(I had one person tell me that one of their hobbies, was me.. I was like ehhhhh.....)

However, the last 7 years have been very interesting. I've always had crushes on guys, but the ones I had before 2015 were different. They were like, oh that guy is attractive, I wonder if he's into dudes and maybe he could like me back. But looking back at it now, those "crushes", were nothing compare to the last 5 years.

Me, if I was a Japanese High-school girl! 

It all started in 2015, when I thought I had met "The one". The only reason I thought he was the one, was because I started to have wild feelings I never felt before. This includes always having someone on my mind, or just feeling a rush of energy when seeing this person.

His name was Ace (Name changed for privacy), and he was two years younger than me. Ever since I realized I was into guys, I quickly saw that I LOVE older men, I love me my "daddies" (This sentence is so cringe, but kinda funny so I'm going to leave it).

So for me to be attracted to, not only a guy my age, but a guy younger than me! That was unfathomable! But the craziest thing was, he was everything I was looking for in a guy. We had the same interests, the same opinions, he could cook, and fix a tire (That's not something you see every day). He was literally Mr. Perfect. He was very social, very friendly, maybe a bit overly friendly. We had so much in common and at the same time we were so different, and you know what they say, opposites attract! I truly felt like I had met my soulmate. The weird thing was, I wasn't into him until he shook my hand... After that, I was engulfed in a very strange, but great feeling, which may or may not have been limerence. (This isn't a satirical comment, I legitimately don't know if it was, or wasn't lol)

When I was into him, I'd play love songs, such as many songs by the Queen herself, Carly Rae Jepsen. But I'd also look for "Clues", clues that maybe he was gay, or bi. One time he kept looking at me, another time he had his arms out, but his hands were down (Kind of like a stereotypical gay zombie vampire, which is something gay guys or zombies do, but not really a straight guy thing to do. Example Below).

 

Is he.... Ya know?

 

I would look for anything that might say he likes me, or that he likes guys in general. Granted, these were silly to consider since we're at a time in the world where everyone can start to be who they are. So now straight guys are starting to allow themselves to be more feminine, and makes it harder for guys into dudes, to spot them out. (If they don't have good gaydar, or if their gaydar is blocked by "please be gaydar", it's not going to be easy to figure out unless you specifically ask the person and even then they may lie about it for whatever reason.)

I've talked about him before on my blog, "Don't block the ventilation", "So much wasted Time", so feel free to delve more into it, since I have lot's to talk about right now!

I hadn't felt this way about anyone before, so I thought I really did meet "The One", and after I found out he was straight, I was crushed, and legitimately depressed for 4 days. Which is really weird for someone I never actually dated, and only saw 1/2 times a week. Like it's almost as if I had experienced a break up, without ever breaking up with someone! (I'll get into this "feeling later", as I think I know why this happens to me)

This is going to be a long blog post, so I'm turning this into 4-5 separate parts. 

This is the end of part one, see you next time for part 2!

Blast to the past! Article #1 : "This guy..."

So I've used a website on Zetaboards, to store stories, links, and lists. Unfortunately, Zetaboards is closing down, and moving to another company, with stricter policies (Which could result in my website being deleted for being inactive. Since I post in it, when I feel like it).
So because of this, I'm going to start transferring some of my stuff from there, onto here!

Funny thing is, I've realized that I originally wrote this on the dead site "Formspring". Now, I'm moving it from Zetaboards to Blogger!

So here is a story-time I wrote in 2011.

When you start disliking them for something they did, you start hating everything about them. This happened to me a few months ago. (November 2011)
There was this guy on facebook (Who I'm still friends with, but we don't talk anymore)
He made a secret Suikoden group on Facebook, and I was invited to join, I said yes to joining. This group had maybe 15 other people, I became friendly with everyone and became friends with most of them. Most of them I am still am friends with, and still talk to them, on occasion.

But I had asked if I could invite a few of my Suikoden friends to the group, because I liked the people in this group and I wanted MY awesome Suikoden friends to meet these awesome Suikoden friends, and get to know each other and become friends too!

But he didn't want any new members because just adding me was "difficult enough". He wants a small group of members and to really know them. (So apparently adding 2-3 more people is like shoving a knife in your eye!)
But since I really wanted my friends that I had already to be a part of a special group for suikoden, I made my own. It was a secret just like his....

Since this is a flashback post, I'm flashbacking to something I made around 2011!

So there I was a member of two suikoden groups, but at first I didn't think it was a good idea to say I had made another group so I could add my friends to a group.
I just wanted my already Suikoden friends to be in a cool Suikoden group, and since they were denied for this one, I wanted them to be special too! It's the guys loss really, he's missing out on some awesome Suikoden fans!
But that is all I wanted, I just wanted my friends to be a part of a cool group like I was.
Eventually, after a week. I was kicked out because I was HONEST and said that I had made a group for my friends.
It really tore apart at me because it was such an awesome group, but talking to two of my friends, really helped me feel better about the situation. My then friend, Ronan was like, that was very childish of him, and my friend Chaco was like, who cares about them?! Forget about it and don't worry about it!
But I eventually I turned the story around, that made it that I was kicked out because I was just TOO COOL FOR THAT GROUP, and to be honest... I don't want to rejoin, unless someone else takes in charge.
I think the guy did me wrong, if someone made another Suikoden group because of mine. I'd be like AWESOME CAN I JOIN TOO?! I wouldn't kick anyone out!

But not only that, but this guy is a friggin' creeper! 

He was looking at my pictures on facebook of myself which are only seen by people I believe I can trust (At the time I was a super private person, and only shared pictures of me, to certain people. I used Facebooks privacy system, to have my pictures shown to certain people in a list). When I found out he was creeping at my pictures, and being a creeper! I took him out of the list.
He also thought it was weird that I didn't use my real name on facebook, even though I don't use my real name because I do not want to be stalked! Plus my mother and grandmother wouldn't let me have my real name, even if I wanted too! XD (At the time, my mother and grandmother didn't want me to use my name on facebook due to privacy concerns. But now, I don't care. lol)
He also got mad that I didn't talk to him in a group chat. Even though I'm bad at those, because if I start talking, I get too shy to say I have to leave. It was late at the time, and I had to go to bed. But apparently because I didn't respond, it meant that I "wasn't being serious", about the group, or something like that.

Because of these stupid things, taking me out of the group, spying on my pictures, and assuming things that had reasonable and true explanations, made me dislike this guy. I actually would have unfriended, and blocked him already, but I'm a nice person and he says he still wants to be friends..... Even though we have not talked AT ALL since then, he doesn't really even seem to want to try and be friends with me again. Plus if I did that I believe our friends might not want to be friends with me anymore, and I like them all! I think they are very awesome people! Although he doesn't know that I don't like him anymore, and do not consider him a friend at all.
I was actually happy that he went for jail for like 5 months lol, I think it was his punishment for doing that to me! But it was something he did the prior year.



I lost faith in this person because even if I was the wrong person, all of these things he did just made me dislike him. Not to mention assuming things and being a creeper made me dislike him, I do NOT trust him at all.

Our shared interest!

EDIT 10-18-2012: A bit over a year since this has happened, and when I think about this guy, I cannot help but feel disgust towards this guy.
He and I have had little to no contact at all, I have reached out to him, and liked some of his things on facebook and even made some comments. But he has not done the same for me, he has not liked or commented on anything of mine and he does it all the time on our mutual friends facebook's.
I am trying to be his friend, but all he has done is ignored me.

The reason why I have not un-added him is because I was afraid our mutual friends would un-add me as a friend. I actually like all of them, and think they are really cool! But I am/was afraid they would un-add me. But two people have pointed out to me that if they really have become my friend, they will stick around!
So I am thinking about getting rid of this jerk once and for all!
But first I want to see if maybe he'll respond to some new Suikoden images I've added, I want to see if something will happen or not. (Later) Which he didn't, so I un-added him, and I felt this weight off of my shoulder. I even made a status about getting rid of someone on my facebook, and the only reason why I didn't do it sooner was because I was afraid of losing the friends that I had gained. Even though I didn't say who it was, I got many likes and comments, even from three of the people that are friends with him! Although they most likely do not know who I was talking about.

EDIT: December 24/ 2014. I was informed that this guy doesn't really talk to anyone in the group anymore, and is actually a pedophile! What a disgusting individual he is!

Okay, so the thing that annoyed me, and still makes no sense to this day (2018). Is one of the members from the group added me on Facebook, just because I was added to the group. However, it took her FOREVER to add me! Then when I was kicked out of the group, she unfriended me! Like what the heck!? Why add me in the first place, if you were going to unfriend me the second I left!
Really interesting!

Why I can't take Public Transportation anymore

I've been taking the bus for a long time, about seven years in fact! (2008-2015) I started taking the public bus in the summer of 2008, so I could go to college.

If I went back in time, and told myself one of the reasons why I am not taking the bus anymore now...

I'd be like.. say what now?!

I've had my license for about a month now, and I'm finally starting to drive by myself. I was afraid of driving for a long time, the reason for that is another story. But getting my license, is not the reason why I am no longer taking the bus anywhere!!!

In those 7 years, I've had some interesting bus drivers. There was one lady who would speed and freaked me out! She was also kind of rude from what I remember...
The bus driver I've had the most, I thought was cool, but he's really slow and he's always late! He used to be my favorite bus driver too, until he would constantly make me late for work.
Then there was a bus driver who would never let me get off this one stop, because it wasn't a really bus stop, even though other bus drivers would let people off there. Which really didn't help me, because it's a 20 minute walk, and getting off there made the walk to work 15 minutes instead!
One bus driver decided to not let people on the bus because they were a second too late and just drove off! Which isn't nice, and not cool at all, those people had to wait another hour for the next bus!
One bus driver tried converting me to his religion, he stopped me as I was getting off the bus, and goes to me "Jesus died for our sins" and I was like ok? He wanted me to think about it, and I said I would, which I didn't. I don't know why he said that to me, or what was going on in his head, I was just listening to my music in peace!!! But he had to interrupt me!

So of course, a different bus driver that I had been getting for a year, who I thought was cool ended up being a creepy weirdo!!! I only thought he was cool because he was always on time, and he just appeared like he was a nice person, but looks can be deceiving! (As always).

The bus driver decided to just start talking to me one day, sometime in April, when I was the only passenger. He was just like, do you have a boyfriend, or a girlfriend? I said, no I don't. The next encounter he asked me the same thing, along with a few other questions. He told me, that from now on he would pick me up at an earlier stop  (The one where the other bus driver got mad at me for asking to get off at) and I didn't have to pay the bus fare anymore at all!

(As I re-edit this post in 2019, I'm starting to realize the red flags were right in front of my face. My dumb ass didn't take the hint...)

Whenever I was the only person on the bus, he started to ask me weird questions. After he picked me up from the earlier bus stop, he would park the bus and just talk to me, because he was at the last stop, and had to wait a few minutes to pick up people at the next stop going back the other way. Keep in mind, these questions were spread out to different days, so some questions were one time and maybe one was another. Sometimes he would just say something random, like how the air conditioner in the bus wasn't working, like it was random, so I thought he was just being friendly. He would ask me what gender I'm attracted to, what my age is, if I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Being the honest, and gullible person I am, I mostly told the truth. Except I did lie about my age, and said I was 24, when I'm actually 25. He asked me if I was a virgin or not and if I watched porn! He would tell me stories about how his guy friend gave him a blow job once, even though he is straight. Another time, I started asking him questions, because I was trying to make conversation since he's all up asking me these weird ass questions. But I don't know how to talk to people, so I had asked him what's it like being a bus driver, does it pay well, which he kept asking why I was asking. I was just wondering, because I was always curious about how much a bus driver makes. Like I'm just making idle conversation, since you're doing it to me. (I'm just not asking weird questions!!) It was funny because I also said bus drivers are always grumpy, and he was like, I'm not grumpy. Which I find hard to believe since he's the grumpiest!! He is always beeping at other cars, and just flailing his arms around at crazy people, (Although that I kind of understand. lol).

One time, he asked me about massages, and I said I'd never had one before. Then he asked if I do them, I said I do not, but my stupid ass had to go, but my friend does massages! He asked how much does she pay, and I said she doesn't do them for a living, she can just do them and she really helped release tension when she gave my friend a massage. So of course, he asked me how much she charges for massages. I just said probably 20-40 dollars. So then he goes, does she do *Makes a jerking motion with his hands*, in which I said, don't know, you'd have to ask her. He goes, does she do happy endings? I said, I don't know, you'd have to ask her...
I later on told my friend what had happened, and she thought it was funny that I kind of got her a possible gig, she also told me to watch out for that one.  (Nothing happened with that.)

I was under the impression that he was done with his antics, since a few of the later times, we literally talked about random things such as the air conditioner on the bus not working, or the windshield wipers not working...etc

Like there were a bunch of times where he was not weird or creepy AT ALL! I thought he was done being weird, but I was wrong, because the last time I took the bus was when it got really weird and he got even worse!

 The last time, he asked if I had a boyfriend AGAIN and I said no, and I said I'm just waiting for the right person, in which he replied "Don't wait too long".
 He told me about how much he just LOVES SEX, and and how he doesn't know what to do or where to go to get down with people.  I suggested going to bars, and he was all, bars what bars? I said, if you go online, you can find them. At one point, he asked me a hypothetical question, he said "If I asked you to give me a bj, what would you say?" and I said, I would say no. He mentioned to me about how one time a guy passenger on another route offered him a blow job, and he declined, in which he also got an offer from an underage girl who gave him her phone number, and he declined (Allegedly)
 I said it's a good thing because he could get into trouble! (EDIT from 2019: How dumb am I sometimes, I swear...)
My friend figured that he was BS with those two stories, about people offering him Bj'.; I think maybe he was telling the truth, but maybe they did do the deed? It's really all up to interpretation, only he, and the other party knows what really happened.

Right at the end when he started up the bus, he goes

"One day, you'll give me a BJ!".

The entire ride home, I made sure not to make eye contact with this delusional nut! I am not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I will be doing something soon enough!
He should just be lucky that I am a shy quiet person, otherwise I would have kicked him in the nuts or threatened to throw his body down a river! See, I figure if you threaten people, they back off, either that or I just have violent thoughts, I don't know...

The one manager at work, who is like a mother to me, and has anger issues is ready to punch this guy in the face and get him fired!

One of the security guards I work with, said that I could probably sue the company, and I'd never have to work in retail again! I told him, that I'd be worried about what happens on Law & Order, and he said those things never happen in reality. (This is the same person I was crushing on in this post)

My sister never wants to take the bus because she thinks something would happen to her, and now I'm starting to understand...

But geez, I used to see this bus driver as a cool father figure type who, I thought probably had a loving wife and kids at home! But boy was I wrong! He's just a closet pervert! Plain and simple!

CLOSET PERVERT!!!!!!

Cute guys at Walmart? A fated encounter? Or a one shot deal?

So, on Sunday, I went to Walmart. Before I start, let me tell you that I have not seen any cute guys in public for a while, not including the store I work at. At my job, I see them every now and again,but not when I was somewhere else.

(2019 me here, prepare for some cringe!!!) 

So, on Sunday, 1/19/2014. I went to Walmart for a price adjustment, so I went to customer service. While on the line, I saw one guy at the registers doing returns, and I was like, he is so cute!
It took a while for the other customers to be serviced because there was a problem, but when I was next, the cute guy took me! I was so excited, I actually had butterflies in my stomach! But it also could have been because I am not good with talking, and telling people things. At the same time I never get butterflies when talking to someone in person. Like when I explained that I needed a price adjustment, my mother actually had to intervene and explain cause he didn't understand what I meant! XD
My mother was there, but she was my ride, I know not the best time to want to flirt with cute guys.
But, while he was servicing me (Not in that way ;o), he took off his jacket, and he showed the goods. He had muscles for days henny!! He had a nice body, I could see his muscles rippling through his shirt!! It was hot!!

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see if he got da booty.
I honestly just wanted to grab him and kiss him!! My inner top is showing. XD

Although, I was staring at him, he didn't notice me in the way I noticed him. But it could also be because he was working, and he just seemed very eh. As someone who has worked in customer service before, I know that it is very draining, crazy people yelling at you all of the times, so it is tiring.
I left with my price adjustment, and I was just so happy that I saw this cute guy. I had to text someone, so I sent a text to 7 of my friends, and got interesting responses from all of them.

The most interesting part is that I read the guy's name tag, and the guy's name is DEAN!! Like Dean Winchester from Supernatural?! I was totally fangirling in my mind, I also think Dean Winchester/ Jensen Ackles is cute too, so I think that is funny.
Oddly enough, the name Dean became 50 times sexier. Which I noticed seems to happen, like when I had a crush on this guy named Eric, the name became so much hotter for some reason!!

Here's the interesting part, usually if I see a cute gu,.I'll go "I bet he's straight!" because I tend to fall for the straight guys...
But, I did not categorize him as gay (or straight). When I categorize a guy as gay, they are 100% going to end up being straight. This is actually my mind wishfully thinking they could be into me, it's only when it's an inner gut feeling, that is when they usually are gay, this is how it works for me. (My inner gut feelings are always correct! This is how I knew some people were gay, who I have worked with)
However, for this guy, I did not do any of this. I didn't think of him in any way, and I think that could be a good thing. (Either that, or just don't do that anymore period.). He could end up being anything, maybe even bi.. but I don't know.
I do feel like I will meet him again though.. and I hope so... I feel like this guy is more than a random cute guy. (Spoiler alert from 2019, never saw this dude again)

Here is a video by Nickalaws and Gay God.. about flirting!! I know most of these.. especially the one about spying on social media.. I've done that before and I dodged a bullet! I had a crush on this guy at work, and I found out his name, and he is with a woman.. basically the story of my life.. I still flirted with him twice though, but to get better at it!

EDIT: 2018 - The video has since been removed, since they broke up, centuries ago. After millions of years, I found a repost of the video.

Also, on Amazon they have product about sewing.. and well.. you know.. the last thing about this image they have... I really couldn't care about sewing if you ask me...I'm too busy distracted by something else...

No copyright infringement intended.. I just wanted to show my viewers something else.. if you know what I mean... *wink* *wink* ;]

Click to enlarge.. but not like that ;*

Picture

I end the post with Awkward, by the youtuber Miles Jai! I actually chatted with him a few times when he had a formspring account.

Psychic Vampirism, real or fake? A strange occurrance!

A few posts ago, I mentioned that I was told I am a psychic vampire. From what I've been told, and from what I've read.  A psychic vampire steals energy from people around them, this action is either unconscious or conscious, depending on the person. For me it's unconscious. So, if someone is draining another persons energy unconsciously, they're not doing it on purpose. It just happens without either parties knowing.
I mentioned one time when I felt super depressed because of an argument between a manager, and a co-worker. (link here)
I'm a very happy go lucky person, but I have always been some sort of emotional sponge that gets affected by negative atmosphere. Psychic vampirism actually explains why I am a sponge of the emotional kind.
A psychic vampire takes people's energy, whether it's good energy, or bad energy. So, when there is bad energy, it causes the vampire to be in a very negative mood. I'm sure a hematite stone would solve this, as they take away negative energy!

Always remember, not all vampires suck blood!

(Drawing of my friend Kevin, by me) 

So anyways, today I was leaving work and of course my umbrella just had to break when I opened it... I decided to swing it like a sword, and the umbrella part flung towards a car, while the stick part stayed dormant in my hand. Luckily it wasn't raining that badly... I was still wet though, not in that way YOU PERVERT!

So, I walk to the bus stop, and the bus is about to leave, I get on the bus, of course all of the good seats are taken. Usually I take the middle seat, but it was taken already. So I sat in the front of the bus, and I hate the front because I feel like everyone's looking at me! I end up having to sit next to two people, a man on my left and a man/woman on my right. (I honestly did not look at them, so I don't really know if it was a man, woman, both or gender neutral. lol). I thought it was a woman, but I am not exactly sure.
Well, anyways. I sat between these two people as if I was in a human sandwich (We weren't that close, an empty seat between each person).
I always get my wallet out after being seated, so I can get my money prepared for the next time I take the bus.
But, after I sat down.. I just couldn't take my wallet out, I just did not want to. I felt like I couldn't, like something was stopping me from doing anything... so I figure I'll just do it when I get home instead.
A few minutes into the ride, and I just start to get really really sad, like I legitimately thought I was going to start crying.
At first, I thought it was because of the little girl crying on the bus. Sometimes I get emotional when people cry, whether they're human, or a gremlin. By gremlin, I meant kids, either way really.
But the thing is, that little girl is on the bus all of the time with her crazy mother who is always on the phone yelling at whoever is on the other line. I've heard her cry a few times before, because of her mother yelling at her not to do something. So why would this time be any different? If the little girl doesn't make me sad when she was crying the first 50 million times, why would it affect me now?
I just perished the thought, and just started daydreaming as usual. But I didn't want to do anything. I felt like I couldn't do much, I just could not reach for my phone to read my messages, or text anyone.. I couldn't get my hand sanitizer, I just felt like I was being watched, or something, it was just weird, I felt very uncomfortable.
I have sat on the bus between people before in the front, and I've never really felt this way (Maybe a bit of "ooh people are staring at me" but that's it.) I have never had a strong emotion like this before... so it wasn't my social anxiety, it was just something else.
The minute that woman/man, that was to the right of me gets off the bus, I was relieved, a few moments in and I felt normal again, I didn't feel sadness, I didn't want to cry. I wasn't uncomfortable anymore, nothing was holding me down anymore. I easily took out my money, looked at my phone, I didn't bother with the hand sanitizer because I was half way there already, and I was going to have to pull that dirty rope to ring the bell for my stop anyways.
I felt like something was holding me from doing anything, trying to get me upset, and once that person left, I felt on top of the world again. It didn't matter to me that there were people behind me that could see what I was doing. It was that ONE person that was next to me, that just made everything uncomfortable.
So, my first thought is that the crazy lady, although crazy, doesn't actually have negative energy. Since it would affect me and, even thought she's crazy, and needs to be put in a mental asylum with the sign reading "NEVER RELEASE!!". She actually does not have negative energy surrounding her, or at least not enough to affect me since I just suck it all up like I did with your dad last night. Oh come on, you ran right into that joke! (Unless you have two moms or one mom or you just don't have a dad....).
My second thought was, that lady man or whatever, has a whole lot of negative energy. I feel like she/he was very sad, so they may not be a bad person. Perhaps, just down on their luck, especially if they're riding the bus... am I right? right right? I'll shut up now...

So, my thought was, they were very depressed, just nothing good going in the world.
They must have had lot's of energy to spare since I sucked it all up like a vacuum, I do hope I made them feel better though! Since I am taking it away from them, and then the energy just disappears like Jimmy Hoffa. Man, I am on a roll today with these jokes today! I hope that last one wasn't offensive!!!
As the bus ride goes on, I recover from the negative energy and I feel great, happy and normal again.
I get off the bus and I take out my hematite stone, as I said before it takes away negative energy, so I wanted to make sure it took any lingering energy away, I just held it in my hand imagining the negative energy as it flows through my body out into the ground. Then I took out my Amethyst crystal, which garners protection, and I just held it for a bit as I walked home to make sure it could protect me from anything else.

Now, the interesting thing is that usually when I am affected by negative energy, I feel sad for the entire day until I go to bed and wake up. But this time I felt normal and relieved once the person left. So, there's obviously a difference with this random stranger and someone I knew that was getting fired from their job.

I don't know who this stranger was, but I do wonder... are they just down on their luck? Are they evil? Are they a Vampire too trying something fishy? Or, are they actually a goat in disguise as a llama? Just like the tootsie roll pop commercial, the world may never know!

EDIT: As of 2019, I am not a psychic vampire. Psychic Vampires are negative, and usually bad people. I am an empath, which is the ability to feel other people's emotions.

Let's do something!! Now let's forget I ever said we'd do that!!!

I hate it when people say they will do something with me soon, or in a few months.But then end up never doing it, or if I remind them, they tell me they don't even remember saying they'd hang out with me!

One of my friends from my first job said they would go out with me soon, to hang out and just talk. This was back in 2011 and that never happened. But I don't harbor any hard feelings and to be honest.. People forget things all of the time, I guess it's just a burden on me because I remember these things.

Another time, just this past summer of 2013, a friend that I work with said she'd take me out to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday, because I said I never went there before. Months later, in December (My birthday month), I tell her this and she says she doesn't remember ever saying that! When I said this, she said instead she'd bake me a cake for my birthday ,and she ended up not even doing that! She said that a week before my birthday, you'd think a week would be an easier times-lot to remember to do something!
I know with this particular person, you cannot really count on when it comes to most things, as she's lazy and never does anything. So I don't take it personally, it's just how she is. One minute she's putting something away, the next she's wandering around in circles trying to count the dots in her eyes!

But the one time that I was actually bothered by this, was one time at my second job in an office, back in the summer of 2012.

I made up names for everyone!

1. There was the supervisor, Whaley Wells.
2. Senior worker, Bandy Sandy
3. Fancy Penny, worked there because her dad worked in the same building.
4. Crystal Krystal, was an unpaid intern/volunteer like me.
5. Last, but not least, was the birthday girl, Katie Carlsson!
6. Me of course, World class detective, Maya Jamahson! 
7. Good Ol' Gwynne, was my friend in the other department. A spunky grandma who I sat next to. Her name is the only one that is not changed, since I still talk to her (As of 2019)

My supervisor told me we were all going to surprise Katie for her birthday in two weeks, and go out to lunch to Ruby Tuesdays! I was an unpaid intern/volunteer, and the supervisor said they would pay for me anyways.

Two weeks later, and my mother asked me if I had packed lunch for that day. I told her that we were all going out to eat, so I didn't need to.

To be clear, I worked in a small department that was inside of a bigger office,  just down the hall was the main office.

Usually around 1pm, I would go to the bigger office to do other duties.

So, when it was Katie Carlsson's birthday, I didn't bring lunch because Whaley Wells said we'd be going to Ruby Tuesdays. So, It's about 1pm, and I'm in the main office now, just waiting for Whaley, and the other girls to just come over to my desk, and say come on let's go!
The desk I would sit at was actually by the door, so I knew they would have passed right by me.
I'm working just waiting for them to come by, and there they are! I see all of them, Whaley, Bandy, Katie, Fancy, just chatting away, walking towards the door behind me. You might say to yourself,  happens next? Well...
They walked right past me, continued talking to each other, opened the door, and just leave....So I was thinking, maybe they'll be back in a moment to pick me up right? RIGHT??? (At the time, I didn't have a license, and took the bus.)
After a while, I got confused, what's going on here?! Why did they just pass by me? Did Whaley not remember that she INVITED ME TO GO WITH THEM!?
I was thinking to myself, what was going on, and if they really decided to ditch me... what was I going to eat?

If you haven't noticed by now, there was one name that I didn't mention yet. Crystal Krystal, the other intern. She was not with them when they left.
That's when it hit me. They went on break, for Katie Carlsson's birthday blowout, when Crystal was still on break! They most likely left, right BEFORE Crystal came back from break. When I went into the office, I saw Crystal, just doing her thing at her desk, and everyone else was gone.
Whaley Wells, and the other girls were up to something. They went on break while Crystal was on break, and I was in the other office. This way, they didn't have to invite us to Ruby Tuesdays with them! Since we were both not making any money, they'd have to pay for us, and probably didn't want to.

If you ask me, I don't think the other girls were involved,  I think it was all Whaley's doing. The three other girls, were probably not involved.

This was a low blow, because she not only ditched me, but the other girl as well! If she didn't want us coming, why even tell me in the first place?!  I may forget to take the garbage out, but I remember things like this!!

So, Gwynne, being a 60 year old grandmother that is a firecracker, just starts cursing them off to me.


She was like "Them F*ckers!".

Fortunately for my stomach, one of the ladies in the bigger office was having a back to work party. So there was food in the break room, and therefore I did not go hungry.

It's really funny how things work sometimes, that one day I didn't bring lunch, and got ditched. I was saved by a woman who was back to work!
Of course my mother had to ask me how it was going to Ruby Tuesdays, I didn't want to upset my mother, so I just told her that we all decided to just eat the nice lunch they made in the break room, thanks to the lady coming back to work.

This is the one time someone told me something, and then never actually did it. This was the one time it really did bother me! That is not cool, she shouldn't have ever even said anything in the first place if she didn't want me there. I usually remember everything, so if someone's going to forget, it won't be me!

What college did for me.

Gather round' children, and local hobo! It's time for me to tell you what college did for me!

Question: What did college do for you Hotspot?

Answer: College allowed for me to go into financial debt at a young age, yay! :D


I started going to college in the summer of 2008, right after I graduated high school.

My college screwed me over  big time, and I'm not the only one.

• For starters, I graduated a year later because they screwed up, and wouldn't let me take more classes than I should have.

• Then after getting my associates in Graphic Design, I went to go for my bachelors. However, they wouldn't let me back in, unless I started paying them! If I am correct, you're not suppose to pay the college money, unless if you've been out of that school for 6 months!

I was stuck not being able to pay them, and they wouldn't let me go back until then. I couldn't get a paying job at the time because I didn't have any experience in my field, or work experience at all.

• I ended up getting two volunteer jobs for a year, and a quarter. 20+  interviews later, I ended up getting a job in retail. Which ironically, I never went on an interview with, they hired me on the spot, after an orientation with them.

• The loan company wants me to pay 400 a month. By the time I got a job in retail, I was only making about 20--150 a week. I had to pay for rent, and other expenses.

My Student Loans get higher and higher, as I cannot pay the amount they want. As I edit this in 2019, I've only ever been paid minimum wage, which is currently 12 an hr. When I started retail, minimum wage was 7.25 an hour. check out my hourly wage guide!

Ironically, almost 10 years later, and I've yet to get a job in my field "Graphic Design". The most of done, is for this blog, and for forums, back in the day.

Funny enough, I've learned more things on my own, and online, than I did at that school. The only good thing about my college experience, was the friends I made.

The staff did not care about you once you are not enrolled anymore, I called three different people at three different times, and NOT ONE ever got back to me, how is that customer service exactly?
My friend was also groped by a teacher on camera, and when the "staff", looked at the footage, the "footage", was conveniently gone. Another time, a male professor told one of the girl students to wear more clothing because "It's distracting". This college was honestly a disgrace.

Most of the teachers were cool, (except the creepy ones) the one admissions counselor was nice too! She bumped into me in retail once, and was glad that I found something to keep me up.

Luckily, the college closed down in 2018. They actually got sued back around 2015, I got a large sum of money to help pay my loans.

Don't become friends with people's girlfriends/boyfriends

Since I've been posting recent stories about people who I thought were my friends, but later found out they weren't. Posts, Here "(People who you think are your friends)"and here (Another one bites the dust)

I bring you, another Wonderful story about someone whom I thought was my friend...


My male cousin from my mother's side of the family, had a girlfriend from 2010-2013-ish. We'll call her Becky-Boo. Becky-Boo was awesome, she was down to earth, cool and fun to be around! She also made family get-togethers more tolerable, as I tend to stray away from most of my family members. I have nothing in common with a majority of them, and they all talk crap about each other behind each-others back. It's just not the environment I enjoy!

Becky-Boo first started dating my cousin in Fall of 2010, it was fun to get to know her. But they broke up in May 2013. Which is fine, whatever, I have no problem with that.
But what happened is that Becky-Boo and I had each other on facebook, and we had each other for three years! For some reason in April, or May I had a notification that she unfriended me (I had something called an unfriend finder, which was a neat app that tells you when someone unfriends you on facebook. I believe it is no longer running.).  I instantly re-added her, and she added me back again.
About two weeks later, when I found out they broke up. She unfriended me again! I decided to be annoying, and I sent her a message saying I was offended she unfriended me and that I consider her a friend even if she wasn't dating my cousin anymore. So I check in the next day and it says she read the message but didn't respond. So I was like "What the frack?!".

She pretty much just gave everyone the cold shoulder, and she even changed her phone number and facebook name! (So we wouldn't find her) 

She closed everyone out.

My rendition of Becky-Boo.

I was annoyed, I didn't think there was a reason to unfriend me at all, we could have still been friends.
I started to dislike her for that, and was angry with her and I actually blocked her on facebook. If I were to see her again in person, I would just ignore her. But I doubt I will see her ever again though, since she lives an hour away from my house, and I have no reason to be in that area. Just like Taylor Swift, I don't think they are getting back together ever ever ever, LIKE EVER!

The funny thing is, everyone loved Becky-Boo. We all liked her, and thought she kept my cousin in line. I was definitely hurt, because I considered her a friend. She decided to cut all ties from us, and my cousin. I was hurt because I considered her a friend, and to just be thrown away like that was not cool. I felt betrayed by her, and I realize now that she was never my friend to begin with!

It's like she never cared about any of us, and that she was just pretending to be friends with us....

It's as if I was dust in the wind and meant nothing to her.

The girl my cousin dated after Becky-Boo, I personally don't have a problem with, but I know her from a hole in the wall. That girl, he's now been with longer than Becky-Boo. My cousin and Becky were together for 3 years, from 2010-2013, he met the girl he's with now (As of 2019), a year later in 2014. So he's been with the other girl for around 5 years now (As of 2019).

Now I know what you're thinking, Becky was probably so hurt by the break up, that she wanted to cut all ties, and not be reminded of many of the heart-break. But at the time, I didn't have many friends, and automatically considered people my friends if they were nice to me. So in my eyes, I just thought she was a jerk. Since I've never been in a relationship, and not having been through a break up, I wouldn't understand how she would feel.

She was also going to school to be a hair stylist, so she would cut my hair! After she was out of the picture, this didn't happen anymore. I've since been getting my hair cut by my mother, because I don't like it when hair cutters talk to you, so it's my way of avoiding that. lol

Which is also why I'd like to befriend someone who cuts hair, this way I don't mind talking to them. Plus, my mom always makes me look like a butch lesbian with her "hair cuts".

As I re-edit this in 2019, I've since gotten over this. However, looking back at it. I realized that she was fake! I looked back at things she would say to me, and realized she said a lot of things, just to be nice to me. So she could "smooze" the family, and make a good impression. This makes me believe, she was actually fake the entire time.

Reasons why I think she was fake.

1. One time I told her I was gay. Then, months later, her, my mom, my sister and I went to a store. I had just gotten out of work in retail, and left my name badge on.
Becky-Boo commented, that I wasn't going to get the girls with that name badge on.
Either she has terrible memory, and forgot I was gay, or she actually didn't care about me in the first place, and just didn't remember...
2. There was a smiley face shirt I owned, she claimed to have thought was cool. Every-time I wore it, she would say "that's a cool shirt!". Implying that she's never seen it before, when she had. Like she just kept forgetting the shirt existed, and would compliment it every time. (That was the Becky Boo shirt. Which I got rid of, because it just reminded me of her. lol)
3. She's lied to me at-least once. She said a quote, and claimed she made it up. I later found out the quote was actually part of a song. It was Jar of Hearts. "You're gonna catch a cold,
from the ice inside your soul". She made me believe she made this line up, but it was from a song. I didn't realize it until I actually heard the song, and was like... heywaitaminute!!! (She posted this on facebook)

I realize now that she was just trying to get chummy with the family, so she could be liked. I've since moved on to more important things, and people I know that actually care about me!
The sad thing is that my cousin feels bad because he knew that his now ex girlfriend had become close with me, my sister and other relatives, I think that is so nice of him to be so concerned.

I actually checked out my last message I sent Becky-Boo on Facebook, I was pretty immature to her, and really didn't need to say anything to her at all.
I ended up creeping on her page for a second, and she ended up with another guy, and married that dude after two years!

As I re-write this post in 2019, I've had a few friends who dated someone. Where it didn't work out, and now I don't talk to my friends exes anymore. I've made it a personal goal to not become friends, or get attached with people's girlfriends/boyfriends, because it might not work out. I don't want to make a new friend, just to lose them.

The only time I think there would be an exception, is if you were friends with both of them, prior to them dating. Then it's more equal.
On the other hand, I have friends who are still friends with their exes, so sometimes it can work out, but I am cautious about it now.

In Conclusion to my "amazing" essay on this story, the reason why you shouldn't become friends with significant others is because, they will probably break up, and they will snub you out of their lives for numerous reasons.

Ironically, I have a few friends who stay friends with their exes, so maybe this isn't always the case!

My phone is a peice of shiznit

Gather round children, and local hobo! It's time for stories with Hotspot!

In September of 2007, I got into the game, Odin Sphere, and I received a Motorola Razr. It's not really important to point out the game I was playing, but I just associate the two together sometimes.

I barely ever used it until I went to college in 2008, and even then I still didn't use it that much.

Flash forward to 2010, I had recently just obtained my laptop. I was naive, and stupid. I saw an ad that said "Insert phone number to win graet PrIZZEZ!" so, dumb old me entered my phone number and they sent me tons and tons of texts. This lead to the phone bill costing an extra 20 dollars! Texting was 10 cents a text... yikes!
The phone company tried to block the number, but they were not able to, so they had to block texting completely to do so.
So I have not had a text since 2010. On a side note, the only texts I ever got were from the spam site, and from a guy who had the wrong number, I never responded but he stopped after three texts.

Dramatization of my Razr phone "peeing".

After a few years, my phone started to crap out on me; the battery started to die quicker, and as of late, it's started to do this thing where I cannot hear the person on the other end of the line. At my job, when one is going to work in a store in the morning before the doors are opened, one must call the store and ask for someone to open the door. I called numerous times last Sunday, and I heard nothing. I thought maybe they were hanging up or that I was so early that no one had arrived. I was also worried that maybe it was my hearing, as I had went out with my friends the night prior and we went to this place with obnoxiously loud music that hurt my ears. I thought maybe the after affects of the music made me slightly def, but that wasn't the case. My phone just wasn't picking up the other person on the line, it wasn't until I heard a slight voice say something I didn't understand. I said that I was at the door, In which I heard the loudspeaker say I was at the door, and once I was in I rushed to the managers office to tell them I could not hear them and my phone must not be working right. I realized it was my phone when I answered the store's phone later in the day and I could hear the customer just fine, although I did somehow think the person said "Princess" when they actually said "Cribs"... so there may have been a little bit of an affect from the loud music. This happened again the next day and the day after, it would also be selective; sometimes it worked fine and other times it didn't, it worked fine today however 6/21/2013. But the other day I called my mother and I could not hear her at all, I was just talking into the phone saying I could not hear her, and it wasn't until I jiggled the phone's head that it finally worked after like 15 seconds.

Another annoying thing is where, I can't put any pictures or data onto my computer. This is actually not the phone's fault, but the phone company doesn't want people to upload their own stuff onto their computer, it makes no sense at all. But luckily, there is a nifty program called Bitpim. It can extract images from the phone, but not videos, or voice recordings.

The reason why I've had this phone for so long, is because my family doesn't have money for a new phone, especially not a smart-phone, those things are expensive! (EDIT from 2018. I ended up getting a smart phone a year after this post, granted, it was given to me by someone else, and I didn't use it as a phone, but to play games on. I also paid for my own phone, and it was one with a keyboard that slides out. I paid for my own smart phone in 2016.)

Since I have a job, I can get my own phone plan, but I can really only afford a 20-30 dollar monthly plan type of thing, and I can only get a basic phone too.
I really want a smart phone, but ain't nobody got money for that! By nobody I mean me....

I'll probably get a phone that has the slide out keyboard, I really can't wait to text though... I'm super excited!
I'm going to be so annoying to my friends lol.

This is why I'm a dog person

Are you a Dog, or a Cat person?

(I hear bird people are the weirdest! :P)

Most of this post, is coming from an old post from 2011, on my old journal forum.

I've always been a dog person, I love dogs. They're very cute, nice and playful; they can be your best friends and love you forever. Dogs are very loving, and fun to be around, they're attention whores!

Cats.. are a different story, I find cats are cute, but they are usually nasty, mean, and scary! Not to mention that they cough up hairballs everywhere and ruin your rugs! (Although that last complaint, is not very relevant.)

I actually have a really good reason as to why I am not really a fan of cats. For no apparent reason, almost every cat on this earth hates me. I don't know why though, I never did anything bad to them. But they for some reason think it's their duty to attack me for petting a nice cat, or punch me in the eye for looking at them!

The following is a list of a couple of times where cats attacked me, and hadn't done anything to them.

Unfortunate Events 

• My aunt's cat named Buttons (It's real name was s#|+-head)... Had bitten me when I was little on many occasions, attacked me for petting another cat, and would growl at me for just looking at it.

• A second cousin of mine, had a cat that punched me in the eye just for looking at it. That same cat also attacked my brother, just for trying to walk out the door!

• One time I went trick or treating with my siblings, and this cat was at a house, and was hissing. It wasn't a normal hissing either. It was a terrifying hissing sound, me and my siblings were extremely afraid that this cat was going to attack us, that we actually never went trick or treating to that house again! It was really scary, and me not really liking cats was terrified. When I say terrified, I mean it, It made me fear for my life.

(This was Angel, a neighbors dog, unfortunately, she died in 2016. Such a friendly dog, who had a habit of licking the floor for no reason.)

Being Afraid of Friendly Cats

Due to these events, I have a fear of cats. Not to be confused with a phobia, phobia's are an irrational fear, that have no cause, while just having a "Fear", is caused due to traumatic events.

Because of my fear of cats, there were times where friendly cats approached me, and I was afraid to be near them.

• One time, I was waiting at the bus stop to college, and I was near a house with a cat sitting on the lawn. The cat started walking towards me, it started to rub it's head against the lamp post. I was afraid of what it would do to me, and left it alone.

• There was this cat on the sidewalk a few times when I got off the bus stop from work, and it would come near me when I was walking on the sidewalk, so I actually crossed the street, and took the longer route to avoid this cat, because I was so afraid of it, and worrying that it would attack me.

My aunt told me that these cats may have wanted me to pet them, and would not have attacked me.

• There was a neighbor cat, that would run away frequently, and it enjoyed being around our house.
I did get the courage to pet it, but it did try to bite me once, which did scare me. My dad told me I was petting it in the wrong place.

This is the mysterious neighbors cat, when it came to play with my and my brother.

I edited my brothers legs out of this picture, the cats head is leaning on his legs, so that's why it's head is a little funny.

I'd say I've met more nasty cats, than nice ones!

In my opinion, cats are cute, but they can be nasty, and I suggest proceeding with caution around them. Having the experiences I have had has made me fear them and I will honestly not go up to one and randomly pet it, I will leave it alone because I am just so afraid that they will attack me.
If I see a cat, I will just walk away.
I'm afraid of cats, they have been horrible to me when I didn't do anything to them. So I just don't really like them all that much.

But I love dogs, they are usually much nicer than cats and love you unconditionally. But of course there are good, and bad dogs, and cats. I've only met one dog I wasn't a fan of, it was also when I was little and it always jumped on me! They had to put me on a high up stool, so that the dog couldn't get to me. lol

My friend Donna, is a cat person, and she has had a bunch of cats. I've known Donna for about 10 years as I re-edit this post in 2019. I've met many of her cats, and they're all really nice. A few of them have since died, and so she got new ones (I've met quite a bunch at this point) . I've never had a problem with any of her cats, they're all super friendly to me. She also told me that a few of her friends are not cat people, and even they say she has the best cats! lol
Donna is a good cat trainer, she has trained her cat "Bitty Bear",  to be on a leash, and to sit when strangers are near, that birds are friends, not food. He is very playful, and friendly. She believes that I just met the wrong cats. Which could be possible. I'm much more at ease with her cats, than someone else's. There are certain things her cats will do, that scare me. Her one cat "Ms Floof", really likes it when I pet her, and wants me to scratch her belly. But that, I am too afraid to do, due to previous experiences. Even if Ms Flooff would not attack me, I'm still too scared to do it.

What bothers me, is how dog lovers are ostracized for not liking cats! I see it all the time on the internet. Cats are everywhere, and the second someone isn't a fan of cats, they get harassed! I for one, never harass people about not liking dogs. On the other hand, I have been called and idiot, and told that I am not a good person for not liking cats, from a random person on the internet who doesn't know me. I'm literally one of the nicest people you could meet, and I'm never out to harm anyone, or any animal!



 

Do you like cats or dogs better? Or, are you an Alligator kind of person??

People who you think are your friends, but aren't.

Have you ever been friends with someone, just to realize, they aren't your friend?

I don't know about you, but when I'm around people at work, or school, that I get to know very well. I tend to automatically put people in the "friend" status. If we become friendly, talk about various things, and enjoy each others company, I consider that friendship! Just as long as I think they're cool, and I don't secretly hate their guts, or vice versa.

This brings me to believe that anyone who is nice towards me, and sometimes talks to me is a friend. Unfortunately, that's not always the case....

I had a friend, or at-least I thought she was my friend....

Let's call her Shelly.

I met Shelly in college, along with an entire gang of Graphic Designers, we all knew each other, and became friends with each other. It was about 30 of us, and of course there were certain people I enjoyed the company of more. We had sub-groups within. There was a particular group of graphic designers, that I always thought of as the misfits. I leaned towards that group because they were more interesting than most of the other Graphic Designers, and I was more of a misfit myself. Don't get me wrong though, EVERYONE was friends with everyone, we all knew each other. But at the end of the day, there was a difference with who we hung out with.

Shelly was a part of the bigger group, so I didn't hang out with her as much later on, but she was one of the first people at my college that I had started to talk to, and hang out with on the premises. She was also one of the first people in college, and possibly one of the first non-relative, or online friend, to find out that I was gay. (That's kind of a big deal, well for me anyways...) I had also added her as a sister on facebook, (Which she told me, made her day.). She was a cool person and It was fun to be around her, she really was like a sister to me... (Especially since my actually sister, was only about 13 at the time, I never had an older sibling type. My siblings were always 8-10 years younger than me, so it was very different.)

She had graduated a semester before everyone else, but even then, we would still talk, and she invited the whole group to a fun feast at Denny's. She even made a Facebook event, it was something like "'School name' last supper".. etc..

After I had completed college with my associates in Graphic Design, I was not able to go for my bachelors degree due to financial reasons. (Which lead me to 2 volunteer jobs, retail, and another office job. It took 7 years just for me to get a job that was clerical/graphic design)

Fast forward to two years later, I'm working retail, and it's March 2013, my college loan company was giving me trouble. So, I asked some of my friends from college on facebook, as to what they did to solve whatever problem I was having at the time with that particular company. Unfortunately all of the people I asked had chosen a different loan company, except for one person, Shelly! I thought, well that's good, I'll ask her if she has had issues with them and see what she says! First, she told me the company that she uses was the exact one that I also use. But when I asked her if the loan company gave her any problems, like they were doing to me, she never responded.
 Facebook has a nice feature that tells you if someone read your message or not, it told me that she did see it, and just decided not to answer. Even if the company didn't give her any issues, it would have been nice to at least say yes, or no. If she didn't have any problems with them, she could have just said so, I'd understand. It was really important at the time for me to find out this information. I found it wasn't cool to just leave me high and dry, and may be even rude that she didn't bother to answer! I wasn't asking her for money, or a kidney! It was just a simple question!

Of course I never ended up finding out anything, as I re-type this post in 2019, I don't even remember what it was I needed to find out (I checked my old messages, and all I asked her was if she had problems with the company, I didn't really explain myself.) lol..

Another friend sent me a video that she had found, it was a comedy video about the company, which was very true parody that basically made fun of them for the companies bad behavior.
Aside from this supposed friend of mine, everyone that I had asked responded and they were all concerned about me, and they were just like how a friend would and should act, the only one that didn't exactly act like a friend was this girl I assumed was my friend...

Now we flash forward to yesterday the 12th of June 2013. I'm at work in retail, at the register,  and I notice a familiar face! It's Shelly, who I assume is my friend.
It was so much fun to talk to her, we talked about jobs, an item she was getting, and even how she went to the pride parade in the city.
So when I got home, I thought I would send her a message on facebook, saying that it was nice to see her again and that maybe we should hang out some time.

I also said something about how I was getting a new phone, and I showed her my professional Facebook account that she wasn't friends with.

So I'm thinking that she'll see it, and maybe we'll hang out soon, and catch up or something.
But when I logged onto facebook, it showed she viewed the message, but I didn't have any new messages.
I had messaged another friend that very day, and it said he did not view the message, so I knew there wasn't anything buggy going on.
This made me think for a moment, I thought about all of the times I had posted on her statuses on facebook (Which wasn't much at all, I am not that annoying person that likes everything lol). But I remembered she didn't respond to those either! That's when the gears started to click...

Remember when I said I added her as my sister on facebook? Well, she took me off  as her brother  a long time ago. Which I had noticed months prior.

So I started to realize, maybe she isn't my friend? Maybe she never was? She was just being nice to me...

"She doesn't seem to care about me, she's just nice... She was just a nice person... the entire time..."

She didn't bother to respond to 70% of the messages I've sent her, and the statuses I posted on, sometimes a like goes a long way too.
Prior to the two recent messages, the last messages that I sent her were from two years ago when I asked her about college related things, which she actually responded to.
It seems to me, that after college she just kind of looked the other way. Like she was only a college friend, or maybe she was just friendly to me because I was friends with her friends?
Whatever the reason, it looks to me like she doesn't really care about me as I thought she did.
I consider everyone my friend, especially, if they're nice to me. But it doesn't always mean they consider me a friend, and I think that is actually how it is, she doesn't consider me a friend, just someone she knows/knew.
It's just annoying to put so much work into being friends with someone, when in reality, it was a one way street. Why waste my time talking to you, if you didn't see me as a friend.

Update to 2015: The whole college gang decided to get together at Dave & Busters, many people simply said if they could go or not. Only a few came in the long run. Shelly was one of the invited, but not only did she not come, but she also never responded to say she couldn't make it, which is what everyone else did. I find it strange she wouldn't even respond to anyone else in our group of friends.

Update around 2016-2017: She unfriended me on Facebook, which is hella rude, because I was about to unfriend her! Later, I noticed she unfriended most of the people from college. As of 2018, it looks like she got rid of everyone on Facebook!

Honestly, I don't even think she was actually a nice person, I think she might just be fake. Like she acted nice to everyone in college, but once she left, she just stopped talking to me, and everyone else for that matter. Perhaps she had something to gain by being nice to everyone, if she didn't plan on being friends with anyone, why even bother in the first place?

All I know, is I don't like her. I'm a friendly guy, I feel most people like me as a person. But if you're going to be nice, and pretend to be my friend, when you don't feel the same way, then you're up to no good, and I don't trust you as far as I can throw you! (Granted, I'm probably too weak to throw a an adult human :P jk) This has also caused me to be more careful with friends in the future, to make sure they genuinely enjoy my company. Which is also annoying because I'm always worried that everyone hates me already, so it's not like there's any pressure or anything!...

The funny thing is, there was another girl in college. She was always the smart one, with high grades, and one of the leaders of the Graphic Design club. I was always intimidated by her, and I didn't really talk to her. Her on the other hand, still has everyone from college, and after seeing her Facebook posts, is a really cool person! I only realized this until after college, and now I wish I was more social with her, since she's pretty damn cool! Unlike other people ... *Flips hair*.
Honestly, I kind of look up to her too. Which was also similar with Shelly, I saw her as an older sister type.

I've also posted this one Quora!