 |
| 71 lemons were murdered to make this picture... |
As they say, when life gives you lemons, make beef stew!
Or was that just from the Andy Milonakis show. ; o
I've been recovering from having a crush on someone. Basically, I've never felt this way for anyone before, and then I found out the guy I liked was straight, of course I have to get over him. But the problem is, when I talk about him, people are just like, "You need to get over him", and I'm just like "O rly?". Because last time I checked, you were not in my head, so you have no idea what's going on with me right now.
Maybe I need someone to vent to!
(Just like the fact that any time I like a guy, I find out they're straight...)
(Just like the fact that any time I like a guy, I find out they're straight...)
I feel like some people are not really grasping the subject here, I really liked this guy, and no maybe I never dated him and sure I don't know him that well, but I really genuinely liked him and I've never had someone on my mind 24/7 before. Because of him I could not focus on my creative projects, (such as my Esmeralda story), I could only think about him. He was on my mind all of the time, and when I would get to see him, I would feel comfortable, safe, just happy, and like nothing bad could ever happen when around him. When I was away from him, I would feel like something was missing, and I just could not hold the anticipation of seeing him again.
I also thought that if I could get with him, that he could actually become a muse for me and help me get inspired for my creative projects.
Don't forget about me now! Esmeralda will not stand for this incompetence over a boy! Get my story done yo!
But I feel like everyone's thinking, "oh I just thought he was hot", and that was it. Sure that's easy to get over (More than likely). But that's not what happened, in fact I didn't even think he was attractive when I first saw him! I was like, he's eh, but he has some nice arm porn going on there! (I call guys with muscular arms, arm porn.). It wasn't until he introduced himself to me, and I shook his hand, that all of a sudden I felt something. After I had met him, I had this huge flow of energy over me and all of a sudden I was addicted to him, like he was some kind of drug or something.
When he introduced himself to me, I felt like our souls connected to each other, and after that I was attracted to him. As I got to know him, I found out that we had almost everything in common! We had the same opinions, it's almost like I found myself in him. I just felt like we were In sync (Not to be confused with the band :P), like we just got each other and that it just worked. I 100% honestly thought I had met my soul mate, I just felt like he was made for me. There were many clues that I found the universe was giving me, that made me believe we were meant to be together. An image popped in my head that showed a red string attached to each other, which usually means destined to be lovers, this is a psychic experience I had..(Of course this depends on whether you believe in psychic powers or not. Check this link out if you're curious. Click this!) that was actually one of the big reasons why I thought it was different this time. Not to mention, normal people do not have their mind on an attractive person 24/7, usually it means something else...
The interesting thing was, when I was into him, I was not attracted to anyone else anymore. Even famous actors like George Eads were un-attractive to me, which is crazy because I've always thought he was the hottest guy on the planet! ( I still think he's hot, no matter what age he is too!
Your existence, is my drug of choice!
It wasn't until almost two months later, that my friends told me he was straight, and had a girlfriend, after that I was actually depressed for 4 days and I was even nauseous for a little while. I literally felt heartbroken, like everything started to make sense in the world, and then it was all shattered, I just felt empty inside... No I never got with him, but the more I got to know him, the more I cared about him, and the more of an amazing person I found him to be!
 |
| Won't be needing this anymore. |
Keep in mind, that any other time I found out a guy was straight, I was just like. Oh whatever, happens all the time, and I would move on. But because I felt like this time was different, that I connected with this guy on such a strong level, I thought it was different this time!
The more I got to know him, the more I realize he would be the perfect guy for me if he wasn't straight!
 |
| Falling for a straight guy, is a big time bummer. Especially since there aren't as many options for LGBT, since more straights in the world exist than gays.. |
Yes, I have to get over him because he is not into guys, and yes after I realized he was straight, I did notice he was just an overly friendly person and that's why I also thought he was flirting with me.
He's just a really nice person that talks to everyone, and asks random questions about if I like sports or if I cook, and how Pyrex is a better cooking brand than Anchor...
But getting over someone takes time, and to be fair I'm probably taking it better than other people would have!
Although, on a side note, I even had a ship name for us! (For those of you who don't know, a ship name is when you pair two people together in a romantic relationship and mash their names together. So for instance, everyone likes the characters Dean and Castiel from Supernatural; everyone wants to see them get together and fall in love.. so everyone calls their ship name Destiel.)
 |
| Waiting for my ship to come in... |
At one point, I was afraid that maybe I was infatuated with him. I was afraid that thinking about him 24/7 and always just wanting to be around him was something else.. It's called something similar to an attack in Chrono Cross called Luminaire.
After 10 minutes, I found it! The word is Limerence, which is an infatuated love. I was worried I had that instead, but when I checked out the symptoms, I did in fact not have it. (Or did I?)
So I really don't know what it is that I have/had, since it's not Limerence. I really can't explain it, why do/did I think about someone so much if they would never be into me? I find myself to be an open minded person, and sane enough to move on, so I know I don't have Limerence.
Luminaire, Limerence, almost the same thing! lol omg they both have 9 letters!
I'm going through the phase now where I am getting over him, and I still want to be his friend because he's still a really cool guy, and honestly I don't really have straight guys for friends, so it would be nice to have a new edition since 99.9% of my friends are all straight girls, or gay boys. (I still want a lesbian bff tho, I am taking applications ladies...)
Since I found out he was straight, I was able to get over him, but also take my feelings for him and then just lock them up. Now I don't find him attractive anymore, and I don't get all of the warm fuzzy feelings I had for him before. I still look at his nice arms because I just love me some good arm porn ok, don't judge me ho!
Like I used to have an over 9000 crush on him, but now it's like a .05%. The crush I had on him, it's almost completely gone now, as I am moving on.
Although I don't know why those things happened to me spiritually, it could mean something could change in the future, or maybe as my friend and I had both thought. Maybe I was connecting with him through someone else. Maybe he knows/knew the guy I'm supposed to end up, and that's what I felt when I met him. Maybe I just felt that he was going to become a good friend, who knows.. only the future can tell.
(Which did not happen, he did not want to be friends on Facebook)
Now, anytime I talk about him, I seem to get shushed. Even if I just say I want to see him more so I can become friends with him and I'm like.. could you not? Like obviously you don't know how I felt about him, but not only do you need to understand I am getting over him, but also that I'm still going to talk about him regardless..... shushing me just means I can't seem to talk to you about it.. which is fine because some other friends are in the know and they don't mind if I talk about him.
But I find that when you don't understand something, there's just no use explaining because they just won't get it. No matter how many times you try, sometimes explaining something to someone is like beating a dead horse, you just won't get anywhere.
People can't seem to grasp the concept that I am moving on, but I still want to have him in my life because he's a cool person.
Not to mention, you still need to vent about things and it's important to vent. Now if I was crushing on someone and they weren't in my life anymore and I was still thinking about them 6 months from now, then I would worry about someone if that was their problem.
Meanwhile I have new standards, I'll date someone 2-3 years younger than me, mostly hairless is a plus, muscles is always a good thing!
The guy that I've been talking about is actually 2 years younger than me, and I'm shocked because I've always liked older guys, and it kind of freaks me out that he's younger than me... But I was ready to go for it anyways, and not be a superficial ho.
But he also has almost a hairless body which I love, I am not a hair person. He is also about the same height as me, so that's a good thing. I'm starting to think it's a good thing to date or want to date someone that is the same, or just about the same height as you, it just seems to work better. Not that you can't, but I feel like that's just a new preference for me.
And yes I am getting over him, because when I was into him, I wasn't into anyone else.. (Even George Eads... whaaaaat) but my attraction to other guys is coming back, so I know that I am losing my attraction to him because I know I can't have him, even if he is legit the perfect guy for me.
At the same time, I've also learned a few things from liking him. I wanted to learn to dance, to get his attention. Although he never saw me dance, but now that I don't have someone to dance for, I like dancing, and I dance for my friends.. (Which I was also shushed for by someone when I told them that, they did mention I can dance for someone else, of course.)
It's all a process really, and if this happens to someone else as it happened to me. You just need time, that's what everyone needs to get over anything really! If someone is going to be a butt about it, just don't talk to them about it anymore because they don't understand what you're going through!
I made a follow up post So much wasted time
Follow the rest of my Crush Arc
No comments:
Post a Comment