Don't block the VENTilation

 71 lemons were murdered to make this picture...

As they say, when life gives you lemons, make beef stew! 

Or was that just from the Andy Milonakis show. ; o

 I've been recovering from having a crush on someone. Basically, I've never felt this way for anyone before, and then I found out the guy I liked was straight, of course I have to get over him. But the problem is, when I talk about him, people are just like, "You need to get over him", and I'm just like "O rly?". Because last time I checked, you were not in my head, so you have no idea what's going on with me right now.

Maybe I need someone to vent to!
(Just like the fact that any time I like a guy, I find out they're straight...)

 I feel like some people are not really grasping the subject here, I really liked this guy, and no maybe I never dated him and sure I don't know him that well, but I really genuinely liked him and I've never had someone on my mind 24/7 before. Because of him I could not focus on my creative projects, (such as my Esmeralda story), I could only think about him. He was on my mind all of the time, and when I would get to see him, I would feel comfortable, safe, just happy, and like nothing bad could ever happen when around him. When I was away from him, I would feel like something was missing, and I just could not hold the anticipation of seeing him again.
I also thought that if I could get with him, that he could actually become a muse for me and help me get inspired for my creative projects.

Don't forget about me now! Esmeralda will not stand for this incompetence over a boy! Get my story done yo!

But I feel like everyone's thinking, "oh I just thought he was hot", and that was it. Sure that's easy to get over (More than likely). But that's not what happened, in fact I didn't even think he was attractive when I first saw him! I was like, he's eh, but he has some nice arm porn going on there! (I call guys with muscular arms, arm porn.). It wasn't until he introduced himself to me, and I shook his hand, that all of a sudden I felt something. After I had met him, I had this huge flow of energy over me and all of a sudden I was addicted to him, like he was some kind of drug or something.
When he introduced himself to me, I felt like our souls connected to each other, and after that I was attracted to him. As I got to know him, I found out that we had almost everything in common! We had the same opinions, it's almost like I found myself in him. I just felt like we were In sync (Not to be confused with the band :P), like we just got each other and that it just worked. I 100% honestly thought I had met my soul mate, I just felt like he was made for me. There were many clues that I found the universe was giving me, that made me believe we were meant to be together. An image popped in my head that showed a red string attached to each other, which usually means destined to be lovers, this is a psychic experience I had..(Of course this depends on whether you believe in psychic powers or not. Check this link out if you're curious. Click this!)  that was actually one of the big reasons why I thought it was different this time. Not to mention, normal people do not have their mind on an attractive person 24/7, usually it means something else...
The interesting thing was, when I was into him, I was not attracted to anyone else anymore. Even famous actors like George Eads were un-attractive to me, which is crazy because I've always thought he was the hottest guy on the planet! ( I still think he's hot, no matter what age he is too!

Your existence, is my drug of choice!

It wasn't until almost two months later, that my friends told me he was straight, and had a girlfriend, after that I was actually depressed for 4 days and I was even nauseous for a little while. I literally felt heartbroken, like everything started to make sense in the world, and then it was all shattered, I just felt empty inside... No I never got with him, but the more I got to know him, the more I cared about him, and the more of an amazing person I found him to be!

Won't be needing this anymore.

Keep in mind, that any other time I found out a guy was straight, I was just like. Oh whatever, happens all the time, and I would move on. But because I felt like this time was different, that I connected with this guy on such a strong level, I thought it was different this time!
The more I got to know him, the more I realize he would be the perfect guy for me if he wasn't straight!

Falling for a straight guy, is a big time bummer. Especially since there aren't as many options for LGBT, since more straights in the world exist than gays..

Sure, maybe I am upset he is not bi like I thought, because I liked him and I hate being wrong. Which also makes me wonder if I even have a bi-dar at all.....
Yes, I have to get over him because he is not into guys, and yes after I realized he was straight, I did notice he was just an overly friendly person and that's why I also thought he was flirting with me.
He's just a really nice person that talks to everyone, and asks random questions about if I like sports or if I cook, and how Pyrex is a better cooking brand than Anchor...
But getting over someone takes time, and to be fair I'm probably taking it better than other people would have!
Although, on a side note, I even had a ship name for us! (For those of you who don't know, a ship name is when you pair two people together in a romantic relationship and mash their names together. So for instance, everyone likes the characters Dean and Castiel from Supernatural; everyone wants to see them get together and fall in love.. so everyone calls their ship name Destiel.)

Waiting for my ship to come in...

At one point, I was afraid that maybe I was infatuated with him. I was afraid that thinking about him 24/7 and always just wanting to be around him was something else.. It's called something similar to an attack in Chrono Cross called Luminaire.

After 10 minutes, I found it! The word is Limerence, which is an infatuated love. I was worried I had that instead, but when I checked out the symptoms, I did in fact not have it. (Or did I?)

So I really don't know what it is that I have/had, since it's not Limerence. I really can't explain it, why do/did I think about someone so much if they would never be into me? I find myself to be an open minded person, and sane enough to move on, so I know I don't have Limerence.

Luminaire, Limerence, almost the same thing! lol omg they both have 9 letters!

I'm going through the phase now where I am getting over him, and I still want to be his friend because he's still a really cool guy, and honestly I don't really have straight guys for friends, so it would be nice to have a new edition since 99.9% of my friends are all straight girls, or gay boys. (I still want a lesbian bff tho, I am taking applications ladies...)

Since I found out he was straight, I was able to get over him, but also take my feelings for him and then just lock them up. Now I don't find him attractive anymore, and I don't get all of the warm fuzzy feelings I had for him before. I still look at his nice arms because I just love me some good arm porn ok, don't judge me ho!

Like I used to have an over 9000 crush on him, but now it's like a .05%. The crush I had on him, it's almost completely gone now, as I am moving on.

Although I don't know why those things happened to me spiritually, it could mean something could change in the future, or maybe as my friend and I had both thought. Maybe I was connecting with him through someone else. Maybe he knows/knew the guy I'm supposed to end up, and that's what I felt when I met him. Maybe I just felt that he was going to become a good friend, who knows.. only the future can tell.

 (Which did not happen, he did not want to be friends on Facebook)

Now, anytime I talk about him, I seem to get shushed. Even if I just say I want to see him more so I can become friends with him and I'm like.. could you not? Like obviously you don't know how I felt about him, but not only do you need to understand I am getting over him, but also that I'm still going to talk about him regardless..... shushing me just means I can't seem to talk to you about it.. which is fine because some other friends are in the know and they don't mind if I talk about him.

But I find that when you don't understand something, there's just no use explaining because they just won't get it. No matter how many times you try, sometimes explaining something to someone is like beating a dead horse, you just won't get anywhere.

People can't seem to grasp the concept that I am moving on, but I still want to have him in my life because he's a cool person.

Not to mention, you still need to vent about things and it's important to vent. Now if I was crushing on someone and they weren't in my life anymore and I was still thinking about them 6 months from now, then I would worry about someone if that was their problem.

Meanwhile I have new standards, I'll date someone 2-3 years younger than me, mostly hairless is a plus, muscles is always a good thing!

The guy that I've been talking about is actually 2 years younger than me, and I'm shocked because I've always liked older guys, and it kind of freaks me out that he's younger than me... But I was ready to go for it anyways, and not be a superficial ho.

But he also has almost a hairless body which I love, I am not a hair person. He is also about the same height as me, so that's a good thing. I'm starting to think it's a good thing to date or want to date someone that is the same, or just about the same height as you, it just seems to work better. Not that you can't, but I feel like that's just a new preference for me.

And yes I am getting over him, because when I was into him, I wasn't into anyone else.. (Even George Eads... whaaaaat)  but my attraction to other guys is coming back, so I know that I am losing my attraction to him because I know I can't have him, even if he is legit the perfect guy for me.

At the same time, I've also learned a few things from liking him. I wanted to learn to dance, to get his attention. Although he never saw me dance, but now that I don't have someone to dance for, I like dancing, and I dance for my friends.. (Which I was also shushed for by someone when I told them that, they did mention I can dance for someone else, of course.)

It's all a process really, and if this happens to someone else as it happened to me. You just need time, that's what everyone needs to get over anything really! If someone is going to be a butt about it, just don't talk to them about it anymore because they don't understand what you're going through!

I made a follow up post So much wasted time

Follow the rest of my Crush Arc

• Don't Block The VENTilation • So Much Wasted Time • Ding Dong Doozy Of A Day! •

What is love?

I'm going to explain what I think about love, and how I see it.

What is love you ask?

 

• In my opinion, love is when you really care about someone, and will do anything for them.
• It's when you'll help them out, even if you get nothing in return.
• Love is, liking someone so much even if they're being a unsavory, or acting out, you'll still do anything for them.
• Love is when, no matter what someone does, you will always care about them regardless of the situation.
• Love is, accepting someone for who they are, even if they have their flaws, and you even love their flaws.
• Love is, accepting and understanding someone's opinion, when they do not share the same as your own.
• Love is when someone believes something that you don't believe in, but you look at them no differently than you normally would.
• Love is when you care about someone so much, nothing they could ever do would make you think differently of them.
• Love is when someone will help pick you up when you're down.
• Love is when you will go out of your way to help someone, even if they don't love you back. (There is a difference between someone that you love, but doesn't like you that way and someone that is just an evil ho and is using you, know the difference!!!)

I found this saying on Facebook, and I believe this to be true.

"My only relationship goal is to be with someone who motivates me to become a better person and show me the potential I don't see in myself."

No, I have never been in love before, but this is what I feel love is.. and I'm sure I didn't get it all, so maybe I'll make a part two some day. (Or add to this)

My top 15 most influential games of all time

This is a list of my top 15 most influential video games of all time.

15. Ty the Tasmanian Tiger - Follows the story of Ty and his friends, running across a fictional Australia to save Ty's family, who are currently stuck in the Dream Time. The two later games bring all of the same characters, but with a new problem. The second game becomes more adventurous, and you even get to drive around GTA style, while the third game puts in new battle and game-play mechanics.
Ty is a fun series and it is a must play for any action adventure game fan! Especially if you love Boomerangs like me!

14. Poke'mon - As most of you probably know, Pokemon is an anime and video game series about people who capture creatures known as pokemon, that have magic powers and use them to do battles with other pokemon.
Although I don't play Pokemon anymore, I loved playing Pokemon as a young teenager. I believe I started playing Pokemon when I was 12 on the Gameboy Color, I had Silver, and later on Crystal. I loved playing Pokemon back then, and my favorite Pokemon is Mawile, although a part of a later generation, but I always loved fire types like Charmander and Cyndaquil.

13. Final Fantasy - Once again, I'm sure you've heard of the Final Fantasy games before, they are the most popular RPG series in the world, along side titles like Pokemon and Dragon Warrior/Quest.
Although I am not the biggest fan of the series, and prefer other series like Chrono Cross, Suikoden, Shadow Hearts etc.. Final Fantasy does hold a special place in my heart, I've played VII, VIII, IX, X, X-2, XII and XII-2 and I would love to play III, VI, XIII  and Type-0 in particular.
The series has good RPG elements and can be entertaining, and I'll always love the nostalgia I have for my favorite Final Fantasy, FF IX.

Final Fantasy IX, my favorite character will always be Quina!

12. Twisted Metal - Remains one of the first series I've ever played, and the original car combat game. You go around as a vehicle of your choice blasting other cars with your missiles, and special abilities. Each character has a different special attack that is specific to them, one character can shoot a flamethrower, while another character will shoot a ghost missile that can go through walls, or gooey acid that will melt your car!
The games are very fun, and very interesting, the characters are all unique and quirky and you always have returning characters!
The second game was the first I've ever played (And my favorite) and I actually never got to play the first game until about a year ago.

11. Spyro The Dragon -  Spyro is a popular Playstation title that most 90's kids should know. You play as the stubborn, and mischievous Spyro. Each game has him collecting something, the first game it's breaking dragons free from a crystal like state, the second game is collecting Talisman and orbs, while the third game has you collecting dragon eggs.
Spyro is going around the world fighting with his dragon abilities like flame breath, in later games he can also obtain upgrades such as a longer flying period, or super flame breath.

Spyro is a must play for anyone really!

The third game is easily my favorite, and also introduces some other characters you can play as, such as Bentley the Yeti and Sheila the Kangaroo.

You never need to cook when Spyro is around!

10. Malice - Malice is a very unknown title with poor ratings, Gwen Stefani herself was supposed to voice Malice until the company changed, and the entire story got revamped. Malice was originally going to be a story about time travel, but instead it became about the titular character Malice, a goddess who is after the evil Dog God that is destroying planets.

Even though I know ,and understand Malice's flaws, I still liked the game and it holds a special place in my heart. I feel like if someone would give it a chance, they could even make a new Malice game and if they get it right, it could be a great series!

I find that Malice has a familiarity with Beyond Good & Evil and Kya Dark Lineage. I once made fan art of the three girls from each game together.

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Malice is also on the Xbox! 

I don't know which cover I like better...

Image 2

Ooooh.. I get it, Malice fights lot's of crow enemies because they're crow-nies.. It all makes sense now!

I have this cover, but for Playstation 2... 

In the comments below, explain which Malice cover you like better and why?

9. Breath of Fire IV - The Breath of Fire series is amazing, unfortunately I've only played the second and fourth game. Both are great, but I've played the fourth game the most. I absolutely love BOF IV, it's an amazing game with great animation, graphics, music, battles.. just everything. It's a piece of art, really. The story is great, and so are the characters and the towns, it's a cute, fun and just great game. What's especially fun is any character can also learn abilities from monsters, which makes for an interesting game play idea. It's an overall fun game and it is just breath taking, I don't even have the words that can describe it all. It was one of my first RPG's, after Suikoden and Chrono Cross.

The next three games I find are a package Deal.

They were all released only months apart from each other, they are all linked by having the same developers, and some even have characters that appear in another.

Soul Nomad came out in February 2007, it was released in America in September 2007. It was made by Nippon Ichi Software, and has an unlockable character, Lujei the ghost witch that appears in Grim Grimoire.
Grim Grimoire came out in April 2007 for Japan and June for America, it was made by Nippon Ichi and Vanillaware. Then Odin Sphere came out in Japan and America in May 2007, it was made solely by Vanillaware.
I always connect the three games because they came out around the same time, two games have a character that appears in both of them, and both developers went and made their own game (Nippon with Soul Nomad, Vanillaware with Odin Sphere), but also made a game together (Grim Grimoire).
All three games are just fantastic, Soul Nomad has the typical Nippon Ichi style, while Grim Grimoire and Odin Sphere have amazing 2D graphics..
The interesting thing is that all three games are in different genre's, Soul Nomad is a turn based tactical game, Grim Grimoire is a Live action Tactical game and Odin Sphere is a side scrolling action adventure game.

8. Grim Grimoire - Lillet Blan is a young magician who has attended an academy of magic, one day she wakes up to find everyone dead, but before she is killed she gets thrown in time to her first day. It's up to Lillet to figure out what is going on, and how she can save everyone! Along the way she learns powerful magic as well as secrets of her classmates, and teachers!
The game has an amazing intro theme that everyone should check out!

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7. Odin Sphere - Follows the story of five heroes and their stories during a war, each character meets one another during their story, and stories will collide for better, or worse.
Odin Sphere has a very interesting storyline, and has amazing music as well as stunning artwork!
The playable characters are all really cool, and interesting, my favorite is Velvet, the forest witch. Who is the last playable character; she has a cool whip like weapon called the graveryl.
The game is very magical to play, and to reminisce about.

6. Soul Nomad & The World Eaters - The hero Revya (Can be boy or girl), is the only one that can wield the Onyx blade, a sword that harbors a dangerous being known as Gig, the "Master of Death". The hero goes on a journey to help defeat the three World Eaters, which were all created by Gig. Along the way they recruit more allies to help fight against the world eaters, and alternatively, there is also a dark path where you play as the bad guy trying to destroy the world.
Soul Nomad is my favorite out of the three, it's just so fun and has a Suikoden vibe to it.

6. Sly Cooper - Is a series about a raccoon, Sly Cooper and his friends Bentley and Murray, who go around stealing from the rich. In every game, there is a reason for their thievery. In the first game, Sly and the gang are after the Fiendish Five, who have stolen pages of a book from Sly's ancestor's "Thievius Raccoonus" that have valuable moves and secrets that Sly can learn. In the end, Sly defeats the Fiendish Five's leader "Clockwerk" a giant Owl that reinforced his body into metal, his metallic body parts are put up in a museum afterwards. The second game involves Sly and the gang retrieving the clockwerk parts from the Klaww Gang, if the clockwerk parts are put together, Sly's worst enemy could come back to life!
In the third game, Sly takes a new route. He goes on a mission to require new allies that can help him get into the "Cooper Vault", the Cooper vault has plenty of secrets that are also present in the Thievius Racoonus. Sly even enlists the help of two former villains from the first two games, which makes things very interesting!
Sly Cooper is a fun series that I enjoy playing over and over every now and again.

 

4. Beyond Good & Evil - Is a story featuring Jade, a photographer that lives in a light house with her uncle Pey'j, an anthropomorphic pig. Her planet "Hillys" is under attack by aliens known as the Domz, fortunately the Alpha sections assure all inhabitants that they are fighting the Domz attacks.
Jade ends up joining the Iris network, which seeks out to defeat the Domz, and put an end to the fishy group known as the Alpha Sections.
Along the way Jade also meets Double H who joins Jade, and Pey'j in the fight against the Domz.
The really cool aspect to BG&E is that you can take pictures of anything, and everything in the game. If you get a picture of each creature, you get money for it, which is the main way to make money in the game. There aren't that many side quests to do, but it's a very fun game with nice graphics and a nice world. It's a fun game and I always felt like it was similar to Kya Dark Lineage due to strong female heroine, and lack of many fans as well as Malice.

3. Kya Dark Lineage - Kya Dark Lineage follows the story of Kya, who falls into another world along with her brother Frank. Kya is brought to a village of creatures known as Nativs, who are under attack by creatures known as Wolfen. The ring leader of the Wolfen is a man named Brazul, who also happens to be Kya's lost long father. Kya goes on an adventure through this new enchanted world, she is going to defeat Wolfen, and put them back into their Nativ form, find her brother Frank, defeat Brazul, and find a way home.
Kya Dark Lineage is one of my three most favorite game series, I love it to pieces, and I would love to see another game! It's a great game with nice graphics for it's time and the world is beautiful, the music falls on the calm side, which is a nice change of pace with other games having abrupt charging music themes, It's a great game that doesn't get enough credit.
Like Beyond Good & Evil and Malice, I feel like Kya has similarities between the other two games.

2. Chrono - The Chrono games involve the hero, Crono or Serge either going through time or going through different dimensions.
Chrono Trigger involves Crono, who along with his friends travel through time to find out how to defeat the world eating monster Lavos!
Chrono Cross involves Serge, a young man who is accidentally transported to an alternate dimension where he died when he was 7. Along with a girl named Kid, he goes on an adventure to find a strange man named Lynx, and an artifact known as the Frozen Flame. Along the way, he recruits many allies to help him out.
I favor Chrono Cross over the first title, Chrono Trigger, but they are both great games. I fell in love with Chrono Cross, it has nice bright graphics, a bright and colorful world, great music, interesting characters! It has a Suikoden vibe and in my opinion, the closest game to ever have resemblance to Suikoden due to the amount of characters to recruit, with colorful graphics, and amazing music!

1. Suikoden - Suikoden is always a story about a young protagonist that has to fight against another empire that is falling out of line, in order to bring back harmony and peace to the land. Along the way, they recruit allies across the land to help fight against the opposing army or enemy.
Suikoden is overall my most favorite game in the history of everything, not only that but also has my favorite character of all time as well.
I just love everything about the series, each game has interesting characters, a unique battle system, music, story, just everything. I love the customization, where you can give characters different magic spells.
Suikoden II in particular, is my favorite game in the series and game of all time. It always gives me nostalgia, and there was always something about it that reminded me of something.. but I can never put my finger on it.
It gave birth to my favorite character of all time, Millie and it is also where my love of Boomerangs came from, as Millie uses a Boomerang as her weapon.

Millie

These were my top 15 most influential video games! Are any of these your favorites? Comment anything about the games below, and don't forget to check out this link to help my friend out!

Carly Rae Jepsen

 I've been crushing on someone for over a month, and because of that, I have been heavily listening to songs by Carly Rae Jepsen! I've always been a fan of her songs since "Call Me Maybe", but what I think people don't realize, is that she has a bunch of other amazing songs! Including her recent hit "I really Like you".
Below I've compiled a list of songs that I love listening to, but also in the order of crushing on someone. So if you like someone, just listen to her songs in this order, it escalates. It just makes you feel good about yourself!

Call me maybe is about meeting someone for the first time, so that's why it's first on the list!

This song is one of her recent songs (If you're reading this 10 years from now, then it's not.. but I digress) and it's all about having a crush on someone and has the perfect responses to every possibility of liking someone (Do they like you back, is this going too far? Etc).

Hurt so good relates to really liking someone and it just hurts so good.

Sweetie is about liking someone but also talks about offering what you could do for them.

Drive is about driving someone to love.

This kiss, is self explanatory.

I feel that this is a great checklist for Carly Rae Jepsen songs to listen to when you like someone. 

Also, don't forget to check out my friend's Campaign.

Click here

Go Fund Me

Picture by me

 (This is not sponsored btw)

What is Go Fund Me you ask? I'll tell you! Go Fund Me is a volunteer/donation site that allows you to either help people out by donating money to a worthy cause, or by starting a cause to help whatever your situation may be.
For example, if you have a terrible illness, but don't have enough money to pay for a cure (Surgery etc...) you can make a go fund me and allow people to send you money for your illness. Or perhaps you're in a rut with money, and you need a boost? You can make a go fund me to help out! There are plenty of reasons why someone would make a go fund me.

My friend Donna has a go fund me, she is in a rut, she needs money and she can't pay many bills!

Check hers out! 

http://www.gofundme.com/nll1h4

Shamir

Shamir is a newer singer that is getting their songs out there! With two songs in particular that both have a million views!
Shamir, although is male, refers to themselves as having no gender, no sexuality, and "no fucks to give".

Shamir is definitely making way into the music world with two songs on youtube, both equally have a million views; the latest "Call it Off" and "On the Regular".
Shamir has a very interesting music style, with a mix between Funk, Pop, R & B and more! Shamir is coming off different and making a name for himself.

Shamir has some other songs if you want to check those out too! I personally love "Head in the Clouds", and "Demon". His EP, and Album "Ratchet", are amazing, and I love them.

EDIT: As of 2018, Shamir is no longer with their recording company, and has done a different kind of music since then. I'm not a fan of their new music, but hey, what's important is to make yourself happy!

EDIT from 2021: Shamir got with a new recording company and is releasing new music that I am enjoying, not as much as the iconic Ratchet, but it's still good! I'm excited for their latest Album releasing in February, called Heterosexuality.