A Hermit is someone who tends to stay in his or her room/house all day, every day and does not really socialize at all or just rarely.
I am a Hermit/Loner, because I just go to work, come home, and just hang out at my house. Every now and again I go out with my friends, but usually only once every three months, I just don't get out much...
I'm mainly a loner because society has rejected me, even though I do want a social life. My shyness and introverted nature has lead me to not get out much at all, and without most people really lending a helping hand, I've been isolated from social interaction for most of my life.
It's really funny though, because everyone always says I am very cool to be around, I bring a smile on people's faces, and I'm devastatingly beautiful! :P But, at the same time, no one has time for me. It's kind of ironic and weird..
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| Me, the lone flower. |
I didn't choose the hermit life, the hermit life chose me! You see, I've always been shy my entire life. Being shy has lead me to not really have friends growing up, a non existent love life, and being socially awkward to the point that I don't always know what I am supposed to do or say when in a social situations.
When I went to school, I would get bullied, and I only had two friends. I didn't see my friends as much after the 4th grade, since I was left back because I had hearing problems, and then went to another school in the 5th grade. In the 6th grade, I moved and I didn't see my friends anymore. It was a whole new ball park, and I ended up making acquaintances. I will say I made more conversation with people in Middle, and Highschool, than in lower grades.
(I also went to catholic school from grade K-4th, and the students, and teachers were all assholes. I'd never recommend a catholic school EVER, they were mentally abusive! The only people that were nice to me, were my friends.)
The kids in middle school I would sometimes talk to, and by the time I was in my last year in high school, I was a ghost because all of the people I talked to were older than me and left. I just went to school and that was it... (On a side note, no one even thought I was a senior. One kid freaked out that I was a senior, because I always look younger than I am! lol)
The kids I "befriended" in highschool, were just people I talked to while the classes were going. I hadn't actually hang out with any of them, or anything. There's only one person from HS that will message me on facebook sometimes! He's the closest thing to a friend I had in that school. (I did become friends with someone in college, who went to the same schools, but we didn't know each other yet, so I won't count her in this part.)
By the time I went to college, I didn't have any real friends. I never hung out with anyone before and I had never had a sleep over or anything. I said that I made acquaintances in high school is because that's what they were, they didn't care enough about me to really get to know me, no one asked me to hang out with them or anything. I was always so shy, that I could never make friends that would stick around. There was one person that actually came over my house, but he was just using me. He would torment me at my house, and then he borrowed a game from me and never gave it back. In which he moved afterwards. (You can see that game, and post here) The only friends I truly had were video games, which is why I've always loved them. I was always quickly immersed in another world with a reality much different than my own, filled with adventures and interesting characters. It was to the extent that I saw the characters as my own friends! You never have to worry about fighting with them, or them abandoning you, they're always there for you. Video games were there for me, when real friends were non existent...
Of course, I did make a few true friends online.
It wasn't until my last year of college that I actually made some real friends. The last year of college that I had, I finally did make friends. It was all because I added someone from high school on facebook, they told me to meet them at college because she was also going there. I finally made friends just because of one facebook add! I became friends with her, and everyone else that was in our little group, it wasn't until then that I met some really good people that for once actually stuck around!
I know that must be depressing, but I think it's a good thing. No matter what your situation, you will always meet the right people eventually! Sometimes it's also good to have courage and do something out of your element as well, even if you make one friend, they can open up a world of endless possibilities!
Check out an older post I made about friendship here.
On a weird note, something that seems to happen to me a whole lot is the fact that whenever I make plans, they always go wrong. It's almost like I'm an anime character, one who is just really awkward and things just don't always go the way they should! Such as Tomoko from the anime Watamote!
1. For my last birthday 12/20/2013, I invited a few of my friends to go out on the town with me. About 7 or 8 of them. What ended up happening was, none of them could make it except for three people and two of them were unavailable until like 9pm. I got to spend time with one of my friends for most of the day, which was nice of course, but I wanted to spend time with everyone together...
2. One time I invited a couple of my friends to a magic fair, two of them couldn't make it and everyone lse canceled except my one friend.
3. I tried inviting my friends to a game of Trivia months later, but that never happened because one of my friends didn't respond for hours because of her terrible phone service. (Although, it was a last minute thing)
4. Another time, I invited 5 of my friends to hang out with us and go to some cool magic stores. Two couldn't make it, and one of them was only able to chill for 2 hours.
5. I wanted to see a movie, and that never happened because my friend went with her other friends. She didn't want to see it, because she wanted to see it with me. But they wanted to see it too. Then I tried making plans with her, but things didn't work out. (It was Guardians of the Galaxy, which as of 2018, I have still not seen it. My friend also moved to another country too. lol [We still talk])
It seems like the universe does not want me to get to enjoy being around the friends that I've made in the last 4 years.
Not to say that every plan has backfired, the only ones that went well were in fact...the ones I did not plan....
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| Let's all be a loner on a tropical island! |
What's even worse is that it's almost like no one has time for me, everyone has their other friends that they would probably prefer to hang out with. I'm new to having real friends, so I don't know how everything works, which also leads to other social awkward things that happen to me. (Also never knowing what to say, or how to start conversations sometimes can get to me)
It's weird, it's like I finally have friends, but everything that could go wrong, goes wrong!
I know my friends are there for me, I just need to figure out how it all works out.
It seems like everyone always chooses someone else over me too..
There have been plenty of times people would tell me they would do something with me, and then end up forgetting entirely and act like they never even asked. I made a blog post about that, so if you want to read that.. click this.
Due to the fact that I have always been shy, and I never went out to hang with anyone..Also the fact that I am a late bloomer when it comes to my own sexuality. (I was 19 when I realized I was attracted to men). I've also never been in a romantic relationship before.. NOT EVER... I've never been kissed or anything. I am going to be 25 in December of 2014 and I've never had a boyfriend...
Now normally I don't have a problem with this, but sometimes something happens and it just gets to me. Like everyone around me, let's say they've been places (Like the garage! jk).. and my one friend is basically the reincarnation of Blanche Devereaux from the Golden Girls. He's bi too so it's even more wild. I also have a friend who is a few years younger than me, and she has a boyfriend and she lost her V card recently. Although I didn't know this, I just thought it was cool that I wasn't the only one who has never been with anyone. But now that I'm alone on that boat again, it just bothered me for a bit, even though it shouldn't bother me because it never usually does. The only reason why it bothers me is because of how society views sexual behavior, something that I never care about is how society sees me. Yet, I let society get to me, and also that kid in high school who said I would end up being the 60 year old virgin.
(Actually, I ended up making a friend in 2016, who is two years younger
than me, and still a virgin. He will most likely stay one, as he doesn't
experience much sexual desire. )
But I got so upset that I was older than a good portion of my friends, and they've played the devils tango already! It just got to me, even though it shouldn't get to me at all, I never care about society and how it views things... but every now and again, there's a crack in the surface.
My one friend who is older than me, told me that she was 26, and that I shouldn't worry. Which definitely helped, but what bothered me even more is that I let this get to my head. I don't care about silly things like that, and it got to me anyways. But you know what, sometimes things do get by and affect you, but you just have to get back up and stay strong.
If you've ever seen the anime called "Watamote", that is basically my life. Watamote is about a girl named Tomoko, she is a high schooler. Tomoko is incredibly shy, she has no friends and she just sits around in her room playing video games, watching anime, reading manga and other things like surfing the net.
Many people actually relate to this anime, so I would assume I am not the only one.
I feel like my shyness has made me a hermit.. but at the same time, I feel like no one has time for me... So it's almost like I'm supposed to be a hermit forever, but at the same time, I know things can get better, and that they will. I think my being a late bloomer also has something to do with it, I haven't yet experienced what other people have, but I know I can, soon.
Even though this post has been a downer, I don't want anyone thinking it really is that much of one. When I first created this post, I was down. However, I am not anymore. I wanted to make this post to show other people my experiences, as well as show people with similar situations that they are not alone, as well as tell people that it can always get better! Sometimes you do need to get out of your comfort zone too, (Working in retail can actually help make you more outgoing as well).
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