I'm the physical embodiment of a Japanese highschool girl! PT 2

If you haven't seen part 1, check it out here. 

To continue where we left off.

The following year, in 2016. I had a guy like me back. Or so, I thought... His name is Jaime, I ended up becoming friends with him, but when I first met him, he was quite the oddity. In 2016, he started acting super weird once he knew I was gay. 

He would try to hug me, he'd ask me if I was going to "fuck him in the ass", when I told him I think guys who cry are hot, he started fake crying, another time he just kept saying "Fuck me", in a cutesy voice towards me. There are other things, for more about Jaime, check "This" out. Jaime was weird, but this was a whole new level of weird. Jaime is the guy who's going to tell you that he's "at work", but in reality, he's in the show 24, trying to find Jack Bauer's daughter. That's just Jaime for you. So seeing this weird, "flirtatious" side of him, was very strange. A year later, he just stopped "flirting" with me, and just became a jerk. I didn't like him back, so I think he gave up, or he's just weird... Honestly, Jaime is one of the 8 mysteries of the world if you ask me!

"Turns out, Jaime was just an asshole the whole time!"

Jaime, if he was a Zombie.

Stay with me folks, because this is going to get Very Very strange!!!

So now, let's go to 2017. We have this new cute guy at work named " Scotty", I was shocked to find out that he was 19, talk about robbing the cradle, I was 8 years older than him!
I knew it wasn't going to happen with Scotty,  but I still let myself crush on him. It was weird because, I felt as if I needed someone to crush on. Like if I didn't crush on someone, I'd end up temporarily attracting myself to gross people like Jaime! 

Scotty was always (metaphorically) doing project runway poses, so I thought he was gay. He also had a deep voice, so I thought, maybe he isn't gay? Gay/bi guys usually have higher pitched voices.

(Question is, can guys with deep voices, deep throat. I swear, why do I even talk sometimes...)

Scotty, was the complete opposite of Ace. He was quiet, to himself, never really talked to anyone. His only redeeming quality, was that he was cute, and not an asshole.. like some people (Looks at Jaime telepathically.)

My friends helped me find out if Scotty was gay, in a very hilarious set of events which made it look like my friend Stacy (Who's 50), was asking if Scotty was gay as if she was interested in him! It was a rather funny situation I could see happening on a sitcom.

My friend Stephanie ended up asking what he was getting his girlfriend for Christmas, which he said he was single for the last 5 months. (As of 2019, he's got a new girlfriend.)

Jaime also found out he was not gay for me as well... Jaime's idea was that, I could have Scotty, but Jaime has to hold him down for me. Jaime has a dark sense of humor, and I was not having none of it.

 

Always remember everyone, consent, consent consent!!! Jaime has a weird fascination with r@pe, maybe we should be concerned, quite frankly. R@pe is not funny Jaime! The only thing that is funny, is your ugly outfit! :P

 

I wrote about these events in a blog post last year. What a ding dong doozy of a day!

Ironically enough, Scotty kinda reminded me of my brother. Both of them have no personality, have no enthusiasm, and they both have that Justin Bieber bowl cut hair. So it's for the best that I got over Scotty... Because, weird!

Why I'm the physical embodiment of a Japanese highschool girl! PT 1

 I feel like I am the embodiment of a Japanese highschool girl from an anime and I want to explain why!

I'm the shy quiet one, who just keeps crushing on cute guys, but due to my shy and introverted nature, I never talk to any of them! This is also common with Highschool girls in anime. (Hence the reference)

Considering I'm a dude, my crush will probably end up being straight anyways, and probably won't go anywhere. 

(Which is the story of my life, turn that into my autobiography!)

Straight people have it easy, they can walk to the grocery store and find someone to date. LGBT people have to go over a river, through the woods, cross the bridge to Terabithia, wind up in Narnia, and then when you get "somewhere", there's three eligible bachelors, and I won't find any of them attractive!

Even when I tried apps, I didn't like many people and the ones I did like wouldn't like me back. I tried adding everyone I thought might be interesting to become friends with, but when that happened I quickly realized that was a bad idea since we were looking for different things.

(I had one person tell me that one of their hobbies, was me.. I was like ehhhhh.....)

However, the last 7 years have been very interesting. I've always had crushes on guys, but the ones I had before 2015 were different. They were like, oh that guy is attractive, I wonder if he's into dudes and maybe he could like me back. But looking back at it now, those "crushes", were nothing compare to the last 5 years.

Me, if I was a Japanese High-school girl! 

It all started in 2015, when I thought I had met "The one". The only reason I thought he was the one, was because I started to have wild feelings I never felt before. This includes always having someone on my mind, or just feeling a rush of energy when seeing this person.

His name was Ace (Name changed for privacy), and he was two years younger than me. Ever since I realized I was into guys, I quickly saw that I LOVE older men, I love me my "daddies" (This sentence is so cringe, but kinda funny so I'm going to leave it).

So for me to be attracted to, not only a guy my age, but a guy younger than me! That was unfathomable! But the craziest thing was, he was everything I was looking for in a guy. We had the same interests, the same opinions, he could cook, and fix a tire (That's not something you see every day). He was literally Mr. Perfect. He was very social, very friendly, maybe a bit overly friendly. We had so much in common and at the same time we were so different, and you know what they say, opposites attract! I truly felt like I had met my soulmate. The weird thing was, I wasn't into him until he shook my hand... After that, I was engulfed in a very strange, but great feeling, which may or may not have been limerence. (This isn't a satirical comment, I legitimately don't know if it was, or wasn't lol)

When I was into him, I'd play love songs, such as many songs by the Queen herself, Carly Rae Jepsen. But I'd also look for "Clues", clues that maybe he was gay, or bi. One time he kept looking at me, another time he had his arms out, but his hands were down (Kind of like a stereotypical gay zombie vampire, which is something gay guys or zombies do, but not really a straight guy thing to do. Example Below).

 

Is he.... Ya know?

 

I would look for anything that might say he likes me, or that he likes guys in general. Granted, these were silly to consider since we're at a time in the world where everyone can start to be who they are. So now straight guys are starting to allow themselves to be more feminine, and makes it harder for guys into dudes, to spot them out. (If they don't have good gaydar, or if their gaydar is blocked by "please be gaydar", it's not going to be easy to figure out unless you specifically ask the person and even then they may lie about it for whatever reason.)

I've talked about him before on my blog, "Don't block the ventilation", "So much wasted Time", so feel free to delve more into it, since I have lot's to talk about right now!

I hadn't felt this way about anyone before, so I thought I really did meet "The One", and after I found out he was straight, I was crushed, and legitimately depressed for 4 days. Which is really weird for someone I never actually dated, and only saw 1/2 times a week. Like it's almost as if I had experienced a break up, without ever breaking up with someone! (I'll get into this "feeling later", as I think I know why this happens to me)

This is going to be a long blog post, so I'm turning this into 4-5 separate parts. 

This is the end of part one, see you next time for part 2!

Why do I always fall for Straight Guys?!

I have this problem where anytime I like someone, they end up being straight!

First and foremost, don't get me mixed up with those idiots that go after straight men intentionally to try and "Change" them, that's NOT what I'm talking about!

(That doesn't work and should be frowned upon!)

My issue lies with the reality that any time I find someone attractive (Without knowing their sexuality), they always end up being straight! It's at a point that If I'm NOT attracted to someone, they're probably gay or bi!

(The truth is, because I don't get out much. That the people I'm meeting are in work settings, so the majority of people will be straight. If I go to gay spaces, I have the likelihood of meeting someone I'd actually be attracted to that could reciprocate my feelings. But that problem lies with the fact that I have social anxiety and really bad and afraid of talking to people, which I am working on. lol)

In fact, at one of the jobs I've had, there were only 3 other guys at work (Not including myself) and the only one I wasn't attracted to, was the other gay guy!

It gets frustrating after a while to always crush on people that will never like you back. Even when I go to gay clubs, the like 1-3 guys I find attractive will start making out with a girl and I'm like really?!

It happens EVERY TIME!!!

I think the main problem is the fact that not many people are LGBT and with that being said, I'm not generally attracted to as many people as others are. I've noticed this with my straight guy friends from when I was in retail, they would tell me that every girl that works there is hot and I'd only find one guy we worked with to be attractive (Who also always ended up being the really hot guy everyone had a crush on).  

 

What's annoying is, when I have a crush on someone, I crush on them hard. I can't help it, I will tell myself, get over it he's straight, but then the next day I'm all lovey dovey and be like, he's so cute and such a nice person and what if! 

(Don't ever what if yourself, if they say they're straight, they're straight, end of story!)

Another thing that annoys me is in LGBT TV shows and Films, everyone is always gay, even the "Straight guy" in it, turns out to be bisexual or something. This is honestly really bad, because it makes people like me think "I have a chance", when in reality, they don't. 

I'd love to see a show where a gay or bi character has a crush on a straight person and instead of the straight person "magically" falling in love with them, their arc is about getting over being in love with this person that will never look their way and maybe once they get over that person, they meet someone else! That's way more realistic and I'd totally watch that.

- I don't get the logic behind people intentionally chasing after straight men, like why would I want to be attracted to someone that won't ever be interested in me? It doesn't make sense why people would go through something like that!

Although, the thing that kills me the most is how someone can mean the world to you, but you're just a flicker in their head, not even an after thought. How if they were actually lgbt, you would give them the world, while some random girl wouldn't even give them the time of day, it hurts like hell to care so much about someone that sees you as just a friend and it's so annoying. 

On the Contrary

The only lgbt folks I seem to find attractive are random people on Instagram that are in other states or countries and I'm like, well that doesn't help me now does it!!! (lol)

Apps have never gone well for me either, I'm either too afraid to talk to anyone, or I'm simply not really into anyone on the app. I've tried to make friends with people, but they just think that I'm interested in
them when I'm not and so it never goes well.

I feel like I need a physical connection. Which is ironic considering I have social anxiety and that doesn't help since I just don't know how to talk to people! I rarely go out and I don't know how to make friends with random strangers, let alone try to find a boyfriend!

The only friends I've ever made were at places of work, especially retail. Since most of my friends still work retail, their schedules are random and usually they don't have the time to hang out with me, so it's not like I can just go with a friend to a gay bar if they're usually busy. (Also, I live an hour away from a gay bar so it would have to be an all day trip)

There's not really a point to tell your crush you like them if they're straight, so it's a battle I have to fight alone..

I just feel like I'll always be alone, I mean at least I wouldn't have to worry about relationship drama!

 

In Conclusion...

Straight people are so lucky, they could walk out their front door and find someone to date. LGBT people have to go through the woods to Grandma's house, cross the Bridge of Terabitha, follow the yellow brick road and when we get there, there's just nobody we're interested in. 

Yes, I know!

Yes, I know Straight people can have unrequited love, but it hits different when you're LGBT. Like it wouldn't hurt as much if I simply had a crush on a guy who just wasn't attracted to me.

Yes, Straight people can fall for a gay person, but they have a much bigger selection, so it's easier for them to move on. Straight people have an ocean of eligible people to date, gay people have a tiny little puddle.

This guy Jaime is a strange creature

When I worked retail, we had a peculiar fellow named Jaime. He was a strange person who would say weird things like "Feed me hangers!", or "Well, I'm here, but in reality, I'm in Narnia trying to find Jack Bauers daughter!".

He's really weird and he says weird things to be funny, but back in 2016, he started to say some things that made me believe he was into me. (To this day I wonder...) I'm not into him, and he really needs to take a shower! No seriously, customers would complain that he smells bad. (This wasn't an issue once he stopped working there and I think it's because at the time, he had two retail jobs.)

Once he knew I was gay, that's when he started to get weirder than weird!

One time, he rang up a guy who I thought was cute. I told him I was sooo jealous he got to ring up the hot guy, in which his reply was "I didn't think he was that hot!".

But at the same time, this could have just been him being a weirdo.

His first weird comment towards me was when I was going home, and I was saying bye to him.. he said "Are you here to put your dick in my ass?", I told him, I have standards!

 Jaime: Are you here to put your dick in my ass?

Me: I have standards!

My depiction of Jaime if he was a Zombie.

Then maybe a week later, we were starting work at the same time, and he looks at me in the break room and goes "So, do you want to make love?". I said no, I'm good.

The next week he said the same thing, but instead said "So, you wanna have sex?".
In which I declined.. and at first I just thought he was playing around and being weird... but since it was becoming more repetitive, it really made me start to wonder...

Another time, he was walking around near my department (Because our departments are next to each other. I was Home, he was Mens.)
He's just saying "Fuck me", in like an innocent, cutesy voice..in which I said, "You know, I'm really starting to wonder about you.." and he said "Me too".

Jaime: Fuck me.
Me: You know I'm really starting to wonder about you!
Jaime: Me too...

Another time, the tv was on in the break room and Joe Manginello was on, and they said something about a boyfriend on tv. Jaime said he wishes he had a boyfriend, I said he doesn't have a chance with either gender (I'm just that bitch) He said "I just don't have the time!" (He does work two jobs and gets 3 hours of sleep so.. But the way he said it was very serious.)

The following week, I had to get a price on a Mens item, which was his department. When I was walking to the Mens dept. I saw him, and I was like, oh great! He'll know what the price is, so as I'm walking towards him, he has his arms out as if he was coming to hug me. When I came closer to him, I pushed the Mens jacket into him and said, I need a price for this. In which he said "Aww", in a disappointed way, as if I really was going to hug him??

Later that day, I was talking to him and I made a comment, in which his response was

"It's okay James, I still love you!". I was like okayyyyyy...

Some time after, I was leaving and I was talking to him and I called him "irrelevant" , in which he responded by saying that I really know how to hurt someone's feelings, and that I must have gotten an orgasm for "hurting" his feelings.

I said, that I am a sadist, and that I love it when men cry. In which he proceeded to fake cry right in front of me!!

I was like what is up with this boy?! I was telling some of the girls about his antics and now we're all getting a bit curious what the hell is he, like what's his sexuality?!

My one friend Christina, made a facebook status about how her "great boyfriend" made chili.
In which he replied "I wish I had a great boyfriend. I love chili."

One time, I had the hiccups...

I was all the way in the back of the store, in the receiving area, I saw him walking in and I told him I had the hiccups. I didn't want to freak him out with a weird noise, he told me I sounded like a dog.
Later that day, I was talking to him, and he tried to scare the hiccups out of me, which didn't work. But he then told me that I sounded cute, like a "pup".

I was like whatever...

Later on, I was talking to him again and I still had those hiccups (Ironically, they went away the second I walked out of the building.)

So, I was still hiccuping, and he said "You sound so cute, you're cute!!"
I was just like... oh boy...

• One time, I showed him a giant mickey mouse doll, and he started to hump it. I told him not to do that if there were any customers around!

• The girls had been telling me that lately, he's been saying he wants a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
But when my one friend Lena, asked him what he was.. he said he was asexual.. which is weird since he is clearly a being who is aroused by one or more genders (or at-least pretending to be one).

☼ The biggest kicker was when my friend Stephanie and I saw Donna last week... Donna did an spiritual awakening on us.. and she said that I either like someone, or someone likes me.. and I looked at Stephanie, and I was like.. I wonder who!!! How weird is that! I hadn't talked to Donna about Jaime and I didn't like anyone at the time, so there isn't a way she would have known.

Like if it was just one thing here and there, I could see him just playing around.. but he seems to just keep going on and the flirting is getting stronger...

• A week ago (From when I originally started this post in 2016), he was talking about movies and how he's going to go and see a movie.. and he asked me what I was doing when I get home, I told him I was going to watch the Flash, and he went "Oh", in a disappointed, but "whatever" kind of way.

What's going on here?!

 

After 2016, he stopped flirting with me and he even went through a phase where he was really mean to everyone and made one of the managers cry. 

He has stated that he knows his sexuality, but doesn't want anyone to know and I will respect that, plus it's fun to know someone who is sexually ambiguous. There are times where I think he's straight, gay, bi, asexual, whatever. But we'll just never know!

Looking back at it from 2021, I probably could have gotten him fired for sexual harassment if I had wanted to. lol

Luckily for him, not too much bothers me!

So what do you think? Was Jaime really into me? Was it all a lie? Should I show Jaime this blog post so that he could bully me within an inch of my life!? Who can ever be sure!

(I actually did send him this blog post and the only thing he said was that I was a really good writer. lol)

Why someone started a Rumor... About me?!

Okay children, gather round. I am about to tell you the story of when I worked in Retail and someone started a rumor about me!

This happened in 2014. There was this one guy that started working at the store 5 months after my arrival. He was cool at first, I didn't have much in common with him, so we didn't really talk at all, but I never had a problem with him prior to this event. The closest sort of relationship I had with him, was him calling me "Prom Date", which was a running joke he started between us. (I don't remember what caused this)

Let's call him Lint, because that's just so humiliating.

It was weird to hear that he decided to start a rumor about me, even though I didn't even talk to him! 

Apparently he decided to tell the Store manager that I was goofing off the whole day to talk to my friend Rebecca that worked in a department on the opposite end of the store. 

I told my friend Rebecca about this rumor and she was like "What?! I haven't seen you all day!".

At first I was skeptical, maybe it was someone else he was talking about?

 

The next day I told the store manager about this, and she said I had nothing to worry about, because this guy has done this plenty of times before and he is on thin ice! She made a comment saying, why is my Cashier watching what other people are doing? Which also made it sound like she actually believed what he was saying about me.

I told the manager, that if I did goof off, I wouldn't have a problem saying that I did. I was telling her there was another time where I was talking to another friend in another department for a while. I usually do work and only chat for a minute or so, but there have been very few times where I was talking to someone for a long period of time. But, I had not done that recently. The point is, If I had done that, I would have no problem saying I did what the guy said.. but I didn't.

The next day, Rebecca had talked to the guy... they're friends and definitely more friends than I was with the guy.
He told her that he did not start that rumor, and that even if he did, he wouldn't care if I found out.
The day afterwards, I was talking to my friend and she was talking about this crazy guy she knows and Lint comes into the room, and starts talking to her.. I kind of felt like he stole the spotlight from me. It sounds weird but it's almost like he didn't want me to talk to her.

While he was talking to her, he had mentioned that he lies all of the time and that it is not very hard. It's funny because the next day she was talking about that, and I told her that I noticed when he said that too.

The next day, my friend finds out something interesting. For starters, Lint doesn't really like me.. no idea why.. "obviously I am too sexy for him to handle!", my friend was like "How can he not like you, you're awesome!!". So, that could be why he had no problem starting a rumor about me. 

Although, it could be that he didn't like me because I told one of the girls he should get neutered, after he was drooling over one of the new girls. He would be cute with me and guys don't get cute with me because they're always straight, so I liked the attention he was giving me and got a little jealous. (This guy was straight? Also, We'll get into that. But for Clarification, I didn't like this guy in any way, I just liked the attention lol.)

This dude is a horn dog! This guy has pretty much hounded every female associate that is between the ages of 18-25, he just wants to have sex with them all!

But you see, most of the girls do not like him like that, so when he gets rejected by them, he makes their lives at work miserable!

 

The plot thickens!

The next day or so on a Friday, I was talking to Rebecca and I told her that months ago, I remember Lint said that she was his perfect girl. At the time, Rebecca was only attracted to asian guys, and this dude is a white boy. Oddly enough, people do sometimes think he's asian, but let's not get too off track.

Rebecca then tells me that he was telling her about the last time he had sex, he said to her, I would prefer this blog to be PG 13, but basically said that he likes to "go on a girls face" and told her "Just so you know, if we ever have sex", in a way to warn her if they did sleep together.
This was something that stuck in her mind

Reasons why this was weird

1. At the time, she had a boyfriend
2. She was only into Asian dudes at the time.
3. She only likes him as a friend.
4. This sexual harassment is just unwanted and undeeded.

With that being said, why would he say any of these weird sexual things to her??

So now, we're both thinking that Lint is jealous of me and Rebecca's friendship. He probably doesn't like that we talk all of the time, and really just wants bone her. He may also dislike me for the fact that I am a decent human being and I actually work and I don't lie about things... but who knows. 

You know what they say. "You're not doing it right until you get a hater!"

But, after finding all of this out. I've realized that he is just a lying creeper and the scuzzball.

Update from 2021: This dude got fired in 2015 for giving customers blank store credit cards, while taking the store credit card that had money on it and using it to buy stuff for himself. 

Like the dude got fired for stealing!

 

• Maybe this is why one time, we had this lady yelling at us, saying we were robbing her because there was no money on her store credit card. We explained to her, that she needed to call the number on the card to see what happened to the money on it and then she could proceed with whatever action she needed to take.

Oh, but that's not all! It gets worse!

One of the guys I became friends with was his childhood friend. They are no longer friends, but I am still friends with his Childhood friend.

• First off, he told me that this dude thought I had a thing for him. He thought that me adjusting my vest was me "flirting" with him. What?! I wouldn't date him even if he was the last man on earth!

• He always had bisexual tendencies, so it makes me wonder if he actually had a thing for me too, could be why he was so jealous of my friendship with Rebecca. 

• He has a connection to two guys I've had big crushes on, the first one we worked with. I think the guy distanced himself from Lint because Lint was coming off kind of flirty with him and Lint even made a comment that he didn't get the hype on the guy. He probably got "blown off" (That isn't meant to sound dirty) by the guy and was just made he wasn't being paid any attention lol.

The second one was, he's friends with a guy, that works at my last job, who was friends with the guy I liked there as well.

Here's where it gets serious...

My friend told me that this dude, as a 20 something year old, slept with a 15 year old girl!! The parents didn't press charges because it was consent... like this dude is literally a pedo, it's disgusting.

Keywords: Retail Industry, Retail Sector, Retail Times, Retail Workers.