Why I'm the physical embodiment of a Japanese highschool girl! PT 1

 I feel like I am the embodiment of a Japanese highschool girl from an anime and I want to explain why!

I'm the shy quiet one, who just keeps crushing on cute guys, but due to my shy and introverted nature, I never talk to any of them! This is also common with Highschool girls in anime. (Hence the reference)

Considering I'm a dude, my crush will probably end up being straight anyways, and probably won't go anywhere. 

(Which is the story of my life, turn that into my autobiography!)

Straight people have it easy, they can walk to the grocery store and find someone to date. LGBT people have to go over a river, through the woods, cross the bridge to Terabithia, wind up in Narnia, and then when you get "somewhere", there's three eligible bachelors, and I won't find any of them attractive!

Even when I tried apps, I didn't like many people and the ones I did like wouldn't like me back. I tried adding everyone I thought might be interesting to become friends with, but when that happened I quickly realized that was a bad idea since we were looking for different things.

(I had one person tell me that one of their hobbies, was me.. I was like ehhhhh.....)

However, the last 7 years have been very interesting. I've always had crushes on guys, but the ones I had before 2015 were different. They were like, oh that guy is attractive, I wonder if he's into dudes and maybe he could like me back. But looking back at it now, those "crushes", were nothing compare to the last 5 years.

Me, if I was a Japanese High-school girl! 

It all started in 2015, when I thought I had met "The one". The only reason I thought he was the one, was because I started to have wild feelings I never felt before. This includes always having someone on my mind, or just feeling a rush of energy when seeing this person.

His name was Ace (Name changed for privacy), and he was two years younger than me. Ever since I realized I was into guys, I quickly saw that I LOVE older men, I love me my "daddies" (This sentence is so cringe, but kinda funny so I'm going to leave it).

So for me to be attracted to, not only a guy my age, but a guy younger than me! That was unfathomable! But the craziest thing was, he was everything I was looking for in a guy. We had the same interests, the same opinions, he could cook, and fix a tire (That's not something you see every day). He was literally Mr. Perfect. He was very social, very friendly, maybe a bit overly friendly. We had so much in common and at the same time we were so different, and you know what they say, opposites attract! I truly felt like I had met my soulmate. The weird thing was, I wasn't into him until he shook my hand... After that, I was engulfed in a very strange, but great feeling, which may or may not have been limerence. (This isn't a satirical comment, I legitimately don't know if it was, or wasn't lol)

When I was into him, I'd play love songs, such as many songs by the Queen herself, Carly Rae Jepsen. But I'd also look for "Clues", clues that maybe he was gay, or bi. One time he kept looking at me, another time he had his arms out, but his hands were down (Kind of like a stereotypical gay zombie vampire, which is something gay guys or zombies do, but not really a straight guy thing to do. Example Below).

 

Is he.... Ya know?

 

I would look for anything that might say he likes me, or that he likes guys in general. Granted, these were silly to consider since we're at a time in the world where everyone can start to be who they are. So now straight guys are starting to allow themselves to be more feminine, and makes it harder for guys into dudes, to spot them out. (If they don't have good gaydar, or if their gaydar is blocked by "please be gaydar", it's not going to be easy to figure out unless you specifically ask the person and even then they may lie about it for whatever reason.)

I've talked about him before on my blog, "Don't block the ventilation", "So much wasted Time", so feel free to delve more into it, since I have lot's to talk about right now!

I hadn't felt this way about anyone before, so I thought I really did meet "The One", and after I found out he was straight, I was crushed, and legitimately depressed for 4 days. Which is really weird for someone I never actually dated, and only saw 1/2 times a week. Like it's almost as if I had experienced a break up, without ever breaking up with someone! (I'll get into this "feeling later", as I think I know why this happens to me)

This is going to be a long blog post, so I'm turning this into 4-5 separate parts. 

This is the end of part one, see you next time for part 2!